A Puertorican in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin

Thinking about voting for JoAnne Kloppenburg? Think again.

2011-03-29T18:05:00.015-05:00

There will be an election in Wisconsin a week from today.

One of the races is for Supreme Court Justice.

This is, allegedly, a non-partisan race. It should be, but obviously it isn't according to each contenders' campaign.

The contenders: JoAnne Kloppenburg and Judge David Prosser.

If you are thinking of voting for Kloppenburg only because you are mad at Governor Walker and the Republican legislators, and want to get "even" with them, think again.

"Time to get even" is what all the people pissed at Walker are chanting right now.

But there are a few things to consider here:

The issue with Walker is only one issue. And who knows how that would end or how long it will last.

On the other hand, voting for a Supreme Court Justice is to decide how the highest court in the State of Wisconsin will handle cases in the next two to ten years, as this is not a short appointment. Cases that will range between many issues, not only issues that have to do with Scott Walker and his "evil" bill.

JoAnne Kloppenburg has demonstrated she is far from being "non-partisan". She is an activist whose husband made monetary contributions to Democratic senators, and both have been very vocal in their opinion of Governor Walker's bill.

Her supporters have made it clear that a vote for her will be a step against Walker. Go and do your research. You will find it all over the Internet.

Now, there are some things that the mainstream media do not talk much about. How Kloppenburg has never been a judge and applied to be one three times. Even Obama took a pass on her.

Her main accomplishments: being a Government attorney, representing the DNR and the State, going after property and small business owners.

Because of her vendetta-like actions, a restaurant owner in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin ended up filing for bankruptcy, because he could not afford the attorney fees to keep defending himself against Kloppenburg's harassment. 34 employees lost their jobs, all because the DNR and Kloppenburg would not leave him alone.

An 80-year old land owner was thrown in jail two months after having open heart surgery, because he would not follow an order to plant certain weeds in his OWN PRIVATE PROPERTY to prevent soil run off. Now, I get the worry about protecting Mother Earth and the environment, blah, blah, blah. But, throwing a sick, elderly man in jail, and draining his savings account to pay a lien on the property while in jail? I mean, come on! That sounds to me more like what a communist regime, not an attorney - much less a judge! - in Wisconsin would do.

So these are just a couple of examples. You can read more about it on the link below (please cut and paste to your browser, as my hyperlinks are acting up again!) or you can do your own research.

http://bit.ly/esFI9i

Our freedoms are at stake here. Actually, if you DISLIKE Walker, you then should think about this: is he really worth putting the citizens of Wisconsin in the hands of an incompetent and obviously misguided candidate to Supreme Court Judge? You have the power of preventing that from happening. She will not have your best interest in mind. What will she do when there is no Walker issue to pursue?

Think about it.

And don't forget to vote!

ETA: Tonight, an Anonymous party attempted to post here information that may be - or not - pertinent to my readers. It will be for the readers to decide. However, this weasel started this way:"I bet you do not have enough guts to post this." I find this insulting and disrespectful, but even more so, hypocritical. How dare you accuse me of not having enough guts when you don't identify yourself? I have accepted comments in the past from anonymous sources; that is not the problem. If you want me to post the info, you show yourself, then I will see if I feel like posting it, since I have no obligation to post anything. But at least, the whole world can see who you are if I decide to. This is my house, my rules. COMPRENDE? In any case, the one that does not have cojones is you.

My children are awesome!

2011-03-17T21:19:00.004-05:00

Oh, the little joys of parenting.

We had parent/teacher conferences tonight.

We are blessed with two wonderful daughters. Each unique and doing great, above average for their grade and age.

It fills my heart with pride, but also with a little sorrow for those children that do not have the sources, or the opportunities my children have.

They have wonderful teachers, and are surrounded by lots of love.

My children are awesome. The most wonderful gift that God has given me. And I am grateful for it. But I know they really don't belong to me.

When I was only a teenager, I read Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet". One of its pages, titled "On Children", gave me the inspiration for what I wanted my relationship with my children to be one day. And I always remember...

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Love you, my children. Thank you for being you.

Mami.

Wisconsin is not Egypt.

2011-03-14T18:03:00.002-05:00

No, Wisconsin is NOT Egypt.

It irritates me greatly when people compare Wisconsin current events to the uprising and the fight of the Egyptian people.

As someone who contributed a little grain of sand to help the people of Egypt through Twitter, and read, probably before it hit the media, what some of them went through, I fail to be able to make a comparison.

Why? Well, I will tell you why.

Today, I heard on radio the account of a young woman who witnessed an affront on some one's rights.

Last weekend, Madison saw record numbers of protesters supporting "workers rights." Rights that, according to them, have been stripped from the hard-working people of Wisconsin. We had movie stars, Hollywood personalities, advocating for them because they "belong to an union." Advocating also for the so called "peaceful protesters."

Among all of that crowd, there was no room for those who support the Government to be heard. In Egypt, the people protested, but the Government tried to silence them. In Wisconsin, while those against the Government protest, those in support are the ones attacked, threatened, beaten.

A young woman and a friend dared to show up in Madison. They were driving, with a sign declaring their support for Scott Walker. While stuck in traffic, the driver was attacked by an anti-Walker protester. There were pictures emailed to the host of a local radio show host. I have no reason to doubt this happened. The attacker punched her car, reached in, pulled the sign, and grabbed her cell phone and took off when she attempted to call for help. Fortunately, another protester (one with a conscience who did not think it was right), chased the guy and convinced him to give back the stolen item. He boasted of doing "the right thing."

Meanwhile, the girl tried to find a police officer. Before she did, she was surrounded by anywhere from ten to twenty protesters who yelled obscenities at her. While she cried, they would point cameras at her, saying, "oh, honey, this is going on YouTube, so say whatever you want!", taunted her, bullied her. She finally was able to get help. And none of this has hit the media. Just as the media ignores all the other affronts Governor Walker's supporters are receiving. And I firmly believe that there must have been other similar incidents that have not been reported because people is scared.

You may be thinking, "so what? Just one incident." Or "she is so stupid for going to Madison with a Walker sign." And that is where I say, "WAIT A MINUTE!" Last time I checked, this is a democracy, and we ALL have the right to demonstrate. Madison is not owned by the protesters. It is the house of ALL of Wisconsin residents. So, if a group organized and decided to demonstrate in support of Governor Walker, is it OK for the anti-Walker protesters to treat them like Mubarak's thugs treated protesters in Egypt? I don't think so.

In Egypt, the people protested against the status quo, against a situation that was holding them back and prevailed for decades. They finally said it was enough. And I would not DARE to compare myself to an Egyptian living in the conditions many of them have lived. To me, it would be arrogant on my part, and an insult to the people of Egypt to do such a thing. I know many of them have said they support Wisconsin workers. And that is OK. That is what freedom is about. But I am certain most of them would not support the tactics being used here.

So stop comparing. Those who complained before of political rhetoric causing damage and inciting acts of violence are the ones on the other side of the coin. And they are doing a fine job of showing their true colors.

Crossroads

2011-02-26T15:36:00.004-06:00

In literature, movies, popular culture, crossroads seem to be frequently used as a symbol for a time of introspection and decision-making, a time of crisis, perhaps?

The politically-charged environment of my State has brought me to a sort of crossroads in my ideologies and visions.

I find myself still advocating for many things liberals also advocate for: basic human rights.

The right to choose for my body what I want, and to respect other women in the decisions they make when it comes to contraception and pregnancy. And their right to have access to adequate, safer ways to carry out those decisions.

The rights of women not to be degraded by some people deciding that now "rape" will have a new meaning.

The rights of women to have same working conditions - and pay - as men.

The rights of human beings to love and being in a committed relationship with another human being regardless of their race, religion... or gender. And their right, when illness or the end of their life comes, to not to be harassed by bureaucrats who would not allow them to be with one another because they are not "legally" married. And their right to be married!

The right of soldiers not to be told they cannot serve their country because they are gay. And their rights to be able to say so openly.

The right of people and children not to be victims of human trafficking and abuse.

The right to fight to save the environment.

The right to worship - or not - in any way I see fit. And the right to say what I want. And in both instances, to not be afraid of repercussion, of bodily harm, incarceration or death.

Yes. All of that. And much, much more.

But then, I find myself advocating for a cause a lot of people who consider themselves liberals are against: Governor Walker's Budget Repair Bill.

That 'evil' bill. Well, no. It is not evil.

This last couple of weeks, I have read and heard of some protesters in Madison who claim they are defending their rights, but then they trample on the rights of others. I see the unions advocating for their rights, but they still think they can force union members to join their ranks and pay their dues.

I see people from all walks of life talking ugly about "the other side". I see 14 senators running away from their duty instead of doing their job. And I voted for them.

A handful of Walker supporters went to Madison last week, and a friend of mine was there. This person was subjected to foul language and offensive words. Her right to also protest undermined by those not agreeing with her. Is that freedom?

And I wonder, why is it so hard to understand that this guy is trying to do something to save this great State of Wisconsin from bankruptcy? Plain and simple.

Yes, you can laugh. If you are against this bill, you don't have to agree with me. I would not laugh at you. My previous blog posts give you my answers and stance to some of the issues presented and the fallacies, the myths floating around. I hope everyone would not make their decisions based on "my ______ (relative, friend) belongs (or belonged) to an union" or "so and so are State workers", on emotions. Believe me, I even know teachers, teacher's relatives and public sector workers who understand what this is about.

It is my hope that anyone on each side of the issue can sit down and analyze all the data, then make their decisions based on drawing their own conclusions. If after that, they still do not support it, fine. At least they are firm in their conviction. A conviction that is the fruit of careful thought and consideration.

And being that I am at crossroads reminds me of a time, while growing up, when I witnessed the adults of the era voting across political party lines and it was OK. They did not need to align themselves with a particular party, but with the guy doing the job right at that particular moment in history. And I guess that is the way I will go.

Don't tell me I can't do that. I already did.

Collective Bargaining Fairy Tales. Part I

2011-02-20T19:11:00.004-06:00

"Only 5 states do not have collective bargaining for educators and have deemed it illegal. Those states and their ranking on ACT/SAT scores are as follows: South Carolina: 50th, North Carolina: 49th Georgia, 48th Texas: 47th, and Virginia: 44th. Wisconsin is ranked #2 in the nation."

This has been floating around on Twitter for a couple of days. The post is intended to establish a correlation between collective bargaining and students scores. Right?

Well, not so fast.

For starters, the information allegedly comes from this site:

http://www.publicagenda.org/charts/state-state-sat-and-act-scores.

I further researched the matter. The data in the site is from 2006. Five years old.

In further research, I found documented data in a press release from the Wisconsin Department of Public Instruction on more recent results from 2010(Sorry, you will need to copy and paste the links to your browser, as my link function here seems to be broken):

http://dpi.state.wi.us/eis/pdf/dpinr2010_116.pdf

Interestingly enough, only 4% of the students participated on SAT and 69% participated on the ACT. Not a whooping, slam-dunk indicator of results, is it? By the little analysis written on another blog that seems pretty respectable, "Student Activism" by Angus Johnston, I found the following:

"Wisconsin ranks 3rd in the nation in SAT scores, but with a participation rate of just 4%. On the ACT, with a much more representative participation rate of 69%, it was tied for 17th. In comparison…

•Virginia was 34th on the SAT with 67% participation, 13th on the ACT with 22% participation.
•Texas was 45th on the SAT with 53% participation, 33rd on the ACT with 33% participation.
•Georgia was 48th on the SAT with 74% participation, 34th on the ACT with 44% participation.
•North Carolina was 38th on the SAT with 63% participation, 20th on the ACT with 16% participation.
•South Carolina was 49th on the SAT with 66% participation, 44th on the ACT with 52% participation.

Wisconsin is clearly above the other five states in both SAT and ACT scores, but the gap isn’t anywhere near as big as the pro-union tweets suggest. Among high ACT participation states, Wisconsin ranks something like 4th in the nation. But among high SAT participation states, Virginia ranks about 5th in the nation — almost all the states with better SAT scores than Virginia have far smaller participation rates, drawing on a far more elite test-taking group"

It has a lot more information, and it would be redundant to copy and paste all of it here. It can be found on:

http://studentactivism.net/2011/02/20/sat-act-unions/#comment-14522

I also found another blog that cites factual, documented information regarding collective bargaining and the impact on test scores:

http://northparkstreet.com/2011/02/twitter-collective-bargaining-for-teachers-and-act-scores/

Regardless of statistics, tables and studies, my personal opinion is this: SAT, ACT, and whatever other scores are there to measure learning don't depend only on the ability of their teachers to bargain, but partly on the dedication they show to teach the children. Additionally, there are so many, many factors that influence how children achieve in school. It certainly is disturbing that people are unknowingly "retweeting" information to back up their claims without checking its accuracy, as clearly has been stated by the sources I used. I went to each and every site the bloggers used as sources. The evidence is there.

So, go ahead, browse the sites and decide for yourself. Instead of falling over-backwards or letting my jaw drop, I went and did my homework, and decided to share it with you.

Happy reading!

Wisconsin Woes: This "Bill" is driving us crazy!

2011-02-17T18:04:00.014-06:00

Wisconsin has been my home for more than 20 years. My plan was to go back home -Puerto Rico - after five years. But then, I got married. So here I am. I love Wisconsin, and as an adoptive daughter of this State, it saddens me what is going on in here today. But I have an opinion about it. Maybe not the most popular right now, but here I go.

Those who know me know that I tend to lean more to the "left" side of politics while trying to stay in the "middle-of-the-road": I am pro-choice and pro-women's rights. I am all for gay marriage and rights of same sex couples and so-called "non-traditional" families. I think RAPE is rape, no matter that some individuals would like to redefine it. I think the war sucks, but I still admire and respect profoundly our men and women in uniform; I know this is sort of cliche-y but I will say it because I feel it: because of our soldier's sacrifices, I enjoy the freedoms I do. I think government should stay out of what I eat, but also should stay out of how I control the number of offspring I will give birth to. And I do believe in the right to bear arms.

That is just who I am. I believe I have the right to speak my first language - Spanish - without anyone yelling at me to "speak English!" But I also believe that anyone who comes here with big dreams should learn English if they want to make it, just like I did. I believe that only American citizens should be allowed to enjoy Federal assistance, but I also know this country is made up of inmigrants, and all inmigrants should be given a fair chance to become citizens if they so desire, not treated like criminals or an infected animal.

And, I do believe in the work and goals of unions in America, in the right to protest, to collectively bargain for better benefits. Yes, I do. And, opposite to what many believe, this demonized bill is not what everyone is making it to be. As a matter of fact, I wonder if everyone who is protesting it has even read it. For highlights, you can follow this link:

null

Now, let's make this clear: I sympathize with those who truly are hard workers and will have to take a hit to their finances. With that said, I will tell you this: Working for the private sector, I know that many of the benefits State workers enjoy have been much better than mine until recent times.

I also know that many teachers do work hard and go above and beyond what is required of them, even when the Union tries to dictate the amount of hours they can work. Then, again, you have those who only work the bare minimum, and even dare to resent the ones who give more because it makes them look bad.

But this is the deal: yesterday, the Madison school district had to close because of all the teachers calling in sick. Translation: taking time off to go to Madison and protest. Their right? Sure! But I am glad I was not the parent that had to call her employer to say, "I will not be in today or I will be late because my kids don't have school and I have to make alternate arrangements for them." The teachers from Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin, went and protested loud and hard AFTER school. Good for them! They should protest if that is what they want. But many teachers are against the "Bill" because "it is in the best interest of the children". Really? In the best interest of the children to go protest instead of being in the classroom teaching them? Yes, I've heard it all: they can miss school on a snow day, so this will not hurt them. Reality check: A snow day is not something anyone can control, and on a snow day, I still would rather have my kid learning something. I also heard that, by watching their teachers take a stand in what they believe, they learn good lessons. NOT! Again, other teachers did not call in "sick" to go protest. Yeah, that is great work ethic. Pfft. Some teachers took students to the protest as a "field trip". Whaaaat?!?

My tax dollars already pay for WAY more things than I care about, and I don't have much of a say on it. One thing they pay: education for my children. And I want it to be EXCELLENT. The Unions, while a great thing, as everything in life, have a dark side: they negotiate, advocate and bargain for the not-so-excellent teachers (or workers in general) as well. What is the "Bill" trying to do? Per the link I posted, it "makes various changes to limit collective bargaining for most public employees to wages." It is not taking the bargaining away, just redefining the rules, among other things.

I think enough is enough. This is not about throwing a tantrum because "it is not fair". It is about making things equal for all. Simple: if you are working hard, you earn. If you are not, you don't. Even with the modifications, the State workers - teachers included - will still have a benefits package that is better than most benefit packages in the private sector. And no one is taking away anyone's right to protest and bargain. And, why not? If possible, I too would like the lawmakers to take a bit more time to review this. But I will not be the one chanting "Kill the Bill".

Like my mother always says, let's not forget: your rights end where mine begin.

PS: Please let's have our facts together before spreading rumors. Although I did not vote for Governor Walker, he still is the Governor, and just was elected by some of the same people who wants him recalled now. What about giving him a chance? In my case, well, I am stuck with him for a couple more years, so may as well make the best of it. Many of the rumors circulating are not even true. He did not give away incentives to the rich or deployed the National Guard on protestors. No dictatorship here...although the revolution fever seems to be spreading here as well. That is a good thing. So let's hope that only the best comes out of it.

Write-in candidate for the School Board and the World Language Initiative in the Wauwatosa School District.

2011-01-30T10:15:00.006-06:00

I just found that a group of parents in our school district are trying to get a write-in candidate in the upcoming School Board Elections (the deadline to submit candidates has passed), to have the new School Board Member, if elected, help overturn the recently approved World Language Initiative (see the link below for more information).

(You will need to copy and paste the links to your browser)

http://www.wauwatosa.k12.wi.us/worldlanguageiniative.cfm

This "write-in" candidate may be a wonderful, well-intentioned person. However, I have some concerns:

1) What happens if this person goes in and still the decision is not overturned? If the sole motivator for this individual to run for one of the seats coming up for election is to overturn this decision, would the motivation diminish and loose steam if his/her plans and the plans of this group of parents does not come to fruition?

2) How capable is this person going to be to represent the District on ALL issues that will come before him/her? Again, to run for such position with one purpose in mind...then, if in the future this School Board member does not vote favorably (according to the citizens) on some other "hot topic", will there be another "witch hunt" to unseat this person?

3) Is this person going to be able to deal with all the issues objectively, of her own accord, or is he/she going to be "manipulated" by some behind-the-scenes "grassroots" group?

The Group trying to do this has a Facebook page, "Save Tosa School Libraries"; it is now an open group (see the link below).

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_192629354085396

Just something to think about... This is something ALL citizens in our District able to vote should consider.

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, please feel free to comment.

Body Image – Puertorican Style

2010-11-27T12:07:00.002-06:00

(This is a revised version of my post by the same name from June 16, 2008)

I moved to Wisconsin in 1989. I was young and skinny. Now, I am a little less young and a lot less skinny.

I remember, growing up, how women in my family were all concerned with weight. How I would hear, "Oh, be careful; with your genes, you are prone to become fat!", and all kind of comments of the like. I was little, but before long, when I started to approach puberty, and the hormones dictated that now fat was to be stored in certain parts of my body, the comments were then directed at me.

Welcome to womanhood! My body was to rearrange itself time and again.

I am surprised that no more women I knew from that generation did not develop some kind of eating disorder. In high school, I remember my friends and me trying all sorts of crazy diets, pills, and the like. They did not work, however. Most of my classmates had the same issue. They were all looking for what would be the “perfect body”. I wanted a larger butt and a smaller waist. Another wanted a smaller butt. One considered herself toothpick-like skinny, hence unattractive, while the other thought she could use losing weight. We were probably on the verge of an eating or personality disorder, as most of us saw a larger or distorted figure when we looked in the mirror.

My mother was always slightly self-conscious about her figure. She did not have, according to her, the figure most Puertoricans would consider "perfect". And, by God, she had to transfer her insecurities to me. She did not want me to gain weight, as my body would not look "good enough" because of my body shape. My shape, apparently, did not conform what somebody thought was the ideal figure either. The ideal Puertorican figure. But this was not unique to my mother. Most women there have the same issue. Not only are they ruthless while judging their own bodies, but they are relentless in finding imperfections in the bodies of everyone else. It gets tiring, believe me!

It took many years to realize that my body is beautiful in its unique way. No, I did not have the ample buttocks or hips Puertorican people find most attractive. The word “chumba” (which means “flat rear”) was used often when referring to my rear end. I do have, however, according to them, pretty legs, the kind THEY like!

It wasn't until I moved here that my self-esteem regarding my body improved considerably. It had already improved as I slowly was letting go of all those “hang ups”, but the next kick came here. I got to this part of the world and I discovered that the “ideal” of feminine beauty and the expectations were very different from where I come from. Also, I learned that I moved to a place ranked high when it comes to the number of obese people. Health wise, that is alarming. However, this fact put things into perspective for me. A former employer and his wife both insisted I was very skinny. They were a little older. But one day, his previous administrative assistant came in to pick up some papers, and when she left, I said to him, "Now I understand why you people bug me so much about being so skinny..." Frankly, I meant no disrespect for the woman. Simply, it was what crossed my head, how everything is a matter of perception. I was NEVER called skinny in Puerto Rico...well, probably the last time, I was in 7th grade, and I already felt a little chubby because of my mother's obsession with weight. So my neighbors laughed when they saw me with a full leotard because I was going to exercise to lose weight...they laughed so hard! But after hitting puberty, no one ever listed "skinny" in their list of adjectives about me...until landing in Wisconsin.

Now, over 21 years later, I am, we could say, satisfied with my body. Could I be in better shape? Perhaps. Could use losing a few post-pregnancy pounds...post-pregnancy over 5 years later? Come on!

But yes, I could use losing them and also exercise more, more for health reasons than appearance. I have been exercising more recently. Still, not as often and hard as I feel I should. Again, it is all because of health these days.

With the holidays coming, it is good to remember moderation. Obesity is at plague levels in this country. Specially among children. So helping our fellow human beings in having healthier eating habits and more active lives is a gift in itself.

Healthy body and mind does not mean that you need to have a certain shape or type of body. Beauty, as we all know, is in the eye of the beholder. So I guess it is up to us to believe that we are all beautiful in our own individual way. No need to conform to others’ idea of beauty and perfection. This, in itself, radiates from within; confidence makes everyone more beautiful!

Happy holidays!

http://harrypotter.warnerbros.com/harrypotterandthedeathlyhallows/

2010-11-13T08:36:00.000-06:00

http://harrypotter.warnerbros.com/harrypotterandthedeathlyhallows/

This is the town I call home today!

2010-08-11T17:40:00.001-05:00

Watch this video, and then come and visit some day!!

Religion, religion, religion...

2010-08-06T16:51:00.004-05:00

"We have just enough religion to make us hate
but not enough to make us love one another."
Jonathan Swift

The first time I heard this phrase was about 18 years ago. It was when I first watched the movie "Angel Heart." In it, Robert DeNiro played a character named "Louis Cypher" (get it?), and he tells this phrase to the main character, played by a younger, better looking Mickey Rourke.

I grew up surrounded by religion. All kinds of it. I attended a Catholic school my whole life. Many of my relatives were very devout. Our neighbors were Pentecostals and held revivals in their living room and the front yard. And of course, all of those people who practiced the Yoruba religion sincretized in Catholicism...what we call "Santeria" in our little corner of the world.

So, hearing that phrase was sort of a knock on the side of the head. Never had I thought of that. I know some people would say, "That was Satan using a movie to shake your beliefs." Well, duh! The guy playing Satan was who said it! But, no, my beliefs were not shaken. If anything, they were deepened. Why? Because it made me realize that, yes, this phrase is right. Still, I don't think it is the religion that causes the hate, but the people who use the religion AS AN EXCUSE to hate, even when they don't realize it.

Now, I am no theologian or scholar. Yes, I did have religion class every day of every school year for 12+ years. Yes, I did attend Biblical studies and college level theology courses. Yes, I have read the Bible from beginning to end, have studied passages and what is believed to be the translation to the oldest Bible scripts in existence. I have studied different religions, within and outside Christianity, and have compared beliefs, dogmas, superstitions. But I am no expert. If anything, I could probably win some trivia games on religion.

But, even though I am no expert, I know enough to know this: just as extremists flew into the World Trade Center almost 9 years ago in the name of their religion, so Christianity has its fair share of extremists: people who think they are holier, and everyone else who does not share their beliefs will burn in hell. We have seen it all through history. Crusades. Inquisition. Witch Hunts. KKK...should I go on? Each and every group, using God, the Bible, their beliefs, to terrorize, to mutilate, to kill, to control and rise to power.

These are the ones who create the hate, not Christianity itself. Not Islam, Not Judaism. Not Buddhism. Not any other religion. It is the people who manipulate and twist their credos to favor their own agendas.

Earlier today, a friend of mine posted on Facebook an open letter allegedly written to Dr. Laura (yes, the one with the show), in response to a comment she made about how it says in the Bible that homosexuality is an abomination. This probably came up in response of Prop 8 being overruled as unconstitutional. The open letter was awesome! It has not been determined that it was truly written by a professor from the University of Virginia. But really, the list in the letter is what is truly precious.

You can find the letter here: http://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2010/03/an-open-letter-to-dr-laura-schlesinger.html

So, if we all wanted to, we could really do atrocious, barbaric acts and back them up with Scripture. Couldn't we? And some people still do!

So, let's stop the hate. But more importantly, let's stop using religion as an excuse to hate. I think the mainstay, most powerful and yet, simplest teaching of Jesus is "love one another"...it does not give conditions. Only love.

Love, me.

I should not have to "Press 1 for English"...but...

2010-08-04T22:52:00.003-05:00

So, lately, I see all over Facebook how my friends "like" a page called, "I should not have to press 1 for English" (or something like that...).

And, even though I am all for those coming here from other countries to learn English, I still find this expression a bit offensive. And I have more than one reason for it.

First reason: English is not my first language. Just for that reason, I have to sympathize with those who are not fluent and need the additional language assistance.

Second reason: Lack of compassion and empathy. No, I don't think that a younger person should come here expecting everyone to cater to him/her in their own language forever and ever. I think language assistance in the beginning, while adjusting to new surroundings, culture and a different language should be provided but only temporarily. It is the responsibility of those who come here seeking a better life to learn the language and the culture (while allowing me to continue to speak my language...but that is a different post).

However, how about those who come here having an obstacle to their learning? We all know that children learn languages faster and better. The older we get, the harder it is. So what about the elderly parents that are brought to this country because they no longer can live by themselves, so their US resident relatives bring them here? Perhaps they can try to learn. But after a certain age, that gets harder and harder.

Or what about the disabled (mentally or physically, or both) relative brought here for medical treatment, or because of the same reasons mentioned before? Or the teenager with a learning disability who will need longer time to learn than the average newly arrived person?

This is where the whole attitude changes for me. No, I should not have to press 1, or 2, or 100, for English. I know the language, right? But, as irritating as it may seem, I have to stop and think about those who don't...and about me when I was in that position, 20-some years ago, not feeling completely fluent and wishing to find someone who knew my language. Yes, I did learn. I got over it. But a little assistance during transition is not a bad thing.

So think about that the next time you have to press 1 for English. And maybe, do something to reduce the amount of people who need that feature. Offer to tutor someone in an English as a Second Language class. Teach such a class in a community center for free. Instead of complaining, give a solution, and stop bitching about having to press 1 for English! Your fingers will not fall off from it!

So death strikes again...

2010-07-24T01:40:00.005-05:00

A long time ago, right after I created this blog, I posted a few entries that were the product of a sense of grief and loss. I had lost a friend back then, so I pondered upon death, and life after.

Now, once again, I try to make sense of that mystery.

Almost a month ago, another friend left this world, suddenly, unexpectedly.

He was one of those friends that was close and dear to me for a while, then we lost touch for a few years. And, thanks to the magic of technology (namely, Facebook), we were able to reconnect. I was happy to have found him. We were very close to be related at some point, had I married when I was 22 years old...but that's another story. Point is, we were almost family then, and it still felt as if we were.

I was looking forward to the day I could go back home and have a reunion with him and other members of his family. Then, they lost their parents, almost one after another. I grieved with him and his sister through Facebook. We exchanged thoughts and condolences. His parents were dear people as well. I was very saddened by their departure.

Then, about a month ago, on a Monday morning, during my routine, daily Facebook check in the morning, I read the post of a mutual friend, and almost passed out. My eyes welled up, and I could not believe what I was reading. My friend had been found dead in his apartment. Sudden. Apparently a heart attack or something like that.

That made me once again ponder on all the cliches: today we are here, tomorrow is not guaranteed. Value what you have now. All those things that are repeated so much, but that are so real and true.

His sister, who also is my friend, has had a tough year with the loss of her parents, a dear close friend, and now her brother, to whom she was very close. I don't dare to imagine how she must be feeling; I would be arrogant if I said that I know how she feels. I don't know how it is to lose a brother. And even if I did, grief is unique to each individual.

And once again, I ponder when would I see my friend again. As I said in one of those earlier posts, I cannot believe that this is it. I cannot believe that life ends with our bodies decaying and rottening under the earth. This wonderful "invention" that is a human being, with this energy inside, cannot end here...so, I guess I will see you again, my friend. In the meantime, rest well.

(In loving memory of Hugo Lopez de Jesus).

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2010-07-17T10:51:00.000-05:00

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How did I become a belly dancer?

2010-06-27T17:03:00.002-05:00

Me? A belly dancer? Well, I am proud and honored to be called such (even when I am not a professional dancer-this is only a hobby), although that was not always the case...

I still remember the first time I enrolled in a Middle Eastern Dance class. I did not tell anyone. Such is the stigma associated with it, I was afraid to admit I had finally given into one of my life's dream: to become a belly dancer. Being Hispanic, dance is a big part of our culture. I guess we learn how to dance at the same time we learn how to walk. My exposure to the "mysterious" art of belly dancing came in the form of movies, magazines and books. And it had always fascinated me. I tried to copy moves I had seen. But I knew that was still not enough.

Finally, in 2002, I enrolled in a summer class, and I fell in love with it. Still, I was afraid to admit it. The negative connotations associated with this dance form are so untrue, but I was apprehensive about it. That only lasted a little bit... somewhere I read that fear is fueled by ignorance. So, the more I learned about the dance, the less afraid I was. Now, I proudly announce to any one who cares to hear about my hobbies that I am an amateur belly dancer! Since my first class, I have been enrolled on and off. I performed at a student recital once. I have attended day long seminars by dancers recognized internationally (the last one in April by Cassandra of Minnesota-awesome!). It is not an inexpensive hobby, and since I had my last child in 2005, I have taken a break. But have always kept on the loop of things with our local belly dance community, which is an awesome community of women, a sisterhood of sorts.

I will be going back to lessons soon. I still have not forgotten my basic moves, but I need polishing and practice. For anyone interested, there are plenty of sources on the net. One of the most complete websites I know for anyone interested in learning about Middle Eastern Dance is www.shira.net/ I also am willing to answer any questions, just send me a message!

Keep (or start) shimmying!!

How did I become a belly dancer?

2010-04-11T09:26:00.001-05:00

How did I become a belly dancer?

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Facebook Woes...

2009-08-08T07:11:00.003-05:00

So, I have not been here in a while...

I know, I know. I announce a return, a comeback, and then I go away again. Life is busy, you know?

I have children, a full time job, and go to school, so, I thought keeping up with this blog was going to be easier. But it is not.

But, here I am, with a few thoughts. And, if people would like to respond, good or bad, go right ahead.

I am on Facebook. If you have read my prior posts, you know that.

I have been on there for almost two years now. I have a lot of friends in there. After a while, I go through a clean up process. I simply review my list of friends, and decide who should stay, and who should go. Eventually, I would like to reduce my list to family and close friends who are close to me even if they live far away. Not everyone that is there.

It was fun at first to have everybody that I possibly could. Now, not so much.

So, I "unfriended" (not my word!) someone the other day. This is a person who I am not related to, and who I don't consider a close friend. She just went in that "clean up" phase. Honestly, I had been wanting to remove this person for a while. Due to certain circumstances, this is not a person I want knowing the details of my life on Facebook.

The surprise here is how this person reacted...within two hours I had an email asking why was she removed.

Are you kidding? I don't even know who removes me!! Quite frankly, I don't care! I don't have time to check each time my number of friends go down!

Apparently this person DOES have the time to do that. I was sort of creeped out. I have a sort of "business" relationship with this person, which is about to end next week. So I still need to communicate with her. She has been behaving very "unbecoming" about this whole deal.

Really? About Facebook? I could understand if this person was someone I considered one of my best friends...but...

Really?

There is still hope...

2009-04-24T20:17:00.002-05:00

We can finally say that spring has really arrived in Wisconsin.

And with this glorious day, the opportunity to see that there is still hope for humanity, after all.

Let me explain: I went shopping with my youngest daughter. When we got out of the store, the temperature was maybe 10 degrees warmer than when we went in. As I struggle to unload my cart, and pick up my child and strap her in her safety seat, a lady walks by with what seemed to be her teenage daughter. They went to their car and unloaded their shopping cart. As the teenager passes by us to return her cart, she very politely said to me, "Ma'm, would you like me to take your cart also?". I was shocked! A polite teenager in this day and age!! I answered, "sure! If you would not mind, I would really appreciate that!" with the biggest smile I could give. I thank her again as she walked on her way back, and waved goodbye to them as they drove away.

Now, if there are any adolescents reading this, please do not be offended. I was a teenager once too...how long ago? A while! But I have not forgotten how it felt to be misunderstood, how it was to hear our elders say, "youth today is bad, a bunch of irresponsible losers!" How the worse was always expected from us.

Looking back, I cannot say I blame them. They probably were, like I am today, alarmed and disappointed at news of young people doing terrible things. And I am not talking about the "usual suspects" like teen pregnancy, or drugs...I am talking about the lack of empathy and compassion in the young people that you hear about in the news. When I hear a report on an old man beaten by a group of youngsters because "they were bored," it saddens me horribly. Where are the parents of these children? Is there someone out there taking responsibility for this behavior? My guess is, the parents are probably young themselves, and the cycle is simply repeating itself.

So, to the young lady at the parking lot today, I bow to you. To her mother, I say "kudos" and "thank you" for taking the time to pass on to your children good values and the capacity to care for others. One simple, seemingly insignificant act, says volumes...and tells us that not everything is lost, after all.

I am back.

2009-04-23T22:30:00.004-05:00

So, yes, I have been gone for a long time...5 months since my last post.

Busy, busy. Between going back to school, then holidays, then the start of another semester, endless changes in my work and personal life, barely no time for anything.

But, everything is well! No complains! The new year brings new resolutions that don't last, but some linger in the back of our heads and work their way through so we can still work it all out. So now I exercise more than I did in January. I am trying to eat better, and have become better at keeping the house organized. Not an expert, just better.

My children continue to grow and amaze me. Everyday is a new discovery, a new adventure...

I am back, and I hope I stay...I have much to talk about, to catch up...I missed you all, and I hope you missed me too! And if you did not...well, I am back anyway!

Yes, we can!

2008-11-13T17:42:00.003-06:00

So, I don't want to make this a political blog. Election day is over. History was made.

So just this once, I will recall the experiences of the last few days since we elected a new president.

In my native Puerto Rico, there is a new governor as well. And most people down there are quite happy with the result. They say, they wanted "cambio," change. A young, charismatic, vibrant governor with a big following. I guess he won by ample margin too.

My mother voted for him...remember? She did not want to vote...

Just like here, people wanted change.

We have a new president elect. Vibrant, charismatic. Many think he won just because his ethnicity. And, yes, that is important. Many of those with African descent thought this day would never come. And for those of us who are considered "people of color," it is important too.

But mostly, is about how people is thirsty for a new way to do things. Our president-elect may be just another politician. He will certainly make mistakes, as only humans do. However, this is the hope that something can be done. If a milestone as huge as this can be reached, then everything is possible.

And, even when this may be controversial, I will write it; this is my blog, right? I have a message for all the white supremacists outthere. Those who believe they are better and smarter just because they are white. You know what? You are not. You are just painfully and disappointingly ignorant. And I hope one day you understand that there is no such thing as a pure-bred white, or any race, in this country anymore. Even if there was, that does not make one better than the other. So stop your threats and your complains. You know who you are. I hope one day you see the light.

Ok, off my soap box now! No more politics...for a while!

What, you are NOT voting?!?!

2008-11-03T18:58:00.002-06:00

I never voted until I moved here. I grew up in a home where my mother was very apathetic towards the whole democratic process of an election. My dad voted, but did not do much to instill any civic responsibility in me.

The other day, my mom dared to tell me she was thinking about NOT voting (elections to elect Puerto Rico's next governor are tomorrow as well-they do not participate in Presidential elections, but do elect a Resident Comissioner to Washington-and other stuff I can't remember-sorry!).

I about went through the phone..."MAMI, you have to vote! Do you know women could not vote until 100 years ago? Do you know how many risked their lives so we could have that right? Are you not going to complain about how things are the next 4 years? Because if you don't vote, you can't complain...." etc, etc, etc....you get the jist of it.

So, different opinions and preferences aside, please vote tomorrow, people! It is our duty. I work with some ladies that so matter of factly shrugged today and said, "Me? I am not voting"...

Their decision. Still, I wish I could get in their heads and convince them to go vote.

Please?

I am back!

2008-10-19T21:56:00.003-05:00

So, I know I have been away for a while. Between school, two jobs, a family, life creeped up on me! But I love writing, so here I am!

First, I have a new job with a larger employer in my area. I hope this will bring great benefits to us.

School takes a big chunk of my time. I have been writing LOTS of papers for school. So that is another reason why I have been unable to write much here.

My girls are getting bigger by the day. My husband is doing great; his health is better as he has lost a ton of weight...now, it is my turn to lose some too! hehe!

The political race is crazy here, as I know it has been back in the Island as well...only a few more days left...yay!!!

I recently had a birthday. I don't mind saying my age; I will not share here only for safety reasons...let's say just a bit over 35. (Grin!). And it was great!

So, I am back, and ready to write some more...so brace yourselves!! Hasta pronto!

Back to School...x2!

2008-09-13T02:33:00.005-05:00

So here I am, after a hiatus, writing again...

I have been busy with the back to school routine. My daughter is now a third-grader. Ah, where has the time gone?

And, I am back in college! Yes. Time to finish that forgotten degree. Life has been good to me without it. But a part of me realizes how important education is. How am I going to tell my daughters to continue their education if I don't do the same?

I am attending a womens-only college in my area. I go to school on weekends. And I love it so far. Their teaching style is different. The style I like. But still, it is a lot of work.

But there is a sense of empowerment in going back. I am reevaluating some of my beliefs. I am revising a little how I have been thinking, and becoming more concientious about my surroundings and the world I am in, specially this time of the year with elections coming up. Thinking more of the issues important to me, and what can I do about those issues in my community, in my world.

I am a mother. A Puertorican mother living in the USA. A full time employee and mother, and also, now a student. Wow! What issues affect me that I could do something about, is what I ponder?

Education, women's rights, race relations, affirmative action...? The possibilities are endless, and I am learning more about those possiblities, and what I can do with them...

I hope many others do the same. I cannot change the world alone, but if we all do a little, then, maybe...

Kate

2008-08-30T23:08:00.003-05:00

I have been thinking of writing about Kate for a while. Kate who?

Have you seen that show, Jon & Kate plus 8?

THAT Kate...

See? I love the show. It is funny and the kids are precious.

Kate, I have to say, is very close to what I could call my hero. If I don't, it's because I know the show is just TV. Even when they call it "reality" tv. It is still TV. Things get edited, and I know the main "characters" may have an "on tv" persona.

The show has been under lots of scrutiny from the very beginning. All sorts of questions, comments and opinions are provoked by this show. From their looks, to their parenting and other family relationships, to the use of the money and products they receive, to say that the children are being exploited.

Lots of other women I talk to feel that Kate is controlling, mean to Jon, and maybe even has some issues better treated by a mental health professional.

Even my husband comments on how much of a...mean wife she can be.

But I still think she is great. I mean...come on! I only have two kids to raise, and my house is far from organized, I go crazy sometimes with our daily routines (or lack of them), and many times I am exhausted. So I can only try to imagine what my life would be with more kids; even harder to picture 8!

Maybe is because her way of running her house is more like the way Latin mothers run their houses. And I hope I don't get blasted by this comment. But if you go to the house of a traditional Hispanic mother with a lot of children, this behavior is not that uncommon. Or at least, it wasn't when I was growing up. So this is why I don't find her behavior that horrible, while others do.

Now, a blog has appeared, supposedly trying to shed "light" on a situation happening at the show. A friend of Kate's family, who regularly appears in the show, supposedly was asked not to return to the show's most recent season. This person's sister has started the blog. I have to say, I sensed tons of anger and bitterness on that blog. I cannot say, however, if what it says is true or not. I will not judge her one way or the other. There are more than 1 side to every story.

Still, I will continue to watch. My kids love seeing the "little kids show", as they call it. I learn a lot watching them cope with situations that seem very real to me, even from a tv show. And I hope we are allowed to continue to peek into their lives. After all, nobody is perfect. Not even Kate!

Is just a sausage!?!?!

2008-08-20T17:17:00.003-05:00

So, the first time I ever heard of people eating sausages other than breakfast was when I moved to Wisconsin. In Puerto Rico, I have had either breakfast sausages, or chorizo, a great ingredient for paella and other delicacies.

Brats, Italian Sausage, Polish Sausage...never heard of them until moving here in 1989.

I love brats and Italian sausages. So we always have them here.

My mother is here visiting from the Island.

Of course, she has no idea of how to make or cook one of the above-mentioned sausages.

My oldest daughter stayed home with her yesterday. She is only 8 years old. At lunch time, my mother is hovering all over her asking many times what she would like for lunch. As many Hispanic mamas, she can be a little over-bearing with her "nietas" (granddaughters). My daughter kept saying she was not hungry.

Around 1 pm, I call the house from work. My dear daughter says she finally had lunch. She had an Italian sausage.

Many people who I related this story to, said at first, "Is just a sausage!?! What is the big deal?".

The sausage was RAW!!!

My daughter showed the box of sausages to my mom and told her she wanted one for lunch. Mind you, my mother is anal and meticulous. She bugs me for everything, and many times, the issues are far less significant. But for a food which she is not familiar with in the least, she could not check with me about how to handle it. She put one gigantic Italian sausage, frozen, in the microwave for 4 minutes, and then fed it to my daughter.

Needless to say, I was furious. I went ballistic.

My daughter has not gotten sick, thank goodness. Our doctor ordered some tests, just to make sure if we have to treat it or not.

Hopefully, it will stay at "it was just a sausage"...

As for my mother, I think she learned her lesson...until next time...

Family Vacation

2008-07-30T12:07:00.005-05:00

I was out of town.

I was at Wisconsin Dells, a city in South Central Wisconsin, near Madison, which is known to many as the "Waterpark Capital of the world". I have seen it featured in travel shows and magazines.

Wisconsin Dells is a fun place. For someone like me, who comes from a tropical island where beaches were readily accessible year round, this is a great place to be in the summer. And it has plenty of indoor waterparks as well, which are kept at very warm temps. So I would not mind scaping there in the winter.

My father-in-law and mother-in-law were gracious enough to book a condo in one of the biggests resorts up at the Dells. So we had a family reunion. There were 17 of us. 10 adults, 7 kids.

Besides the natural friction that could result from having so many people and personalities together, in general, we had a great time. The children particularly had a blast from playing in the many water park attractions. We had three days of fabulous weather. And I have a nice tan.

Hanging out by the outdoor park, I felt as if I was back in the Island again. I felt nostalgic and sad at times. As a matter of fact, I felt sad leaving the Dells, the same way I feel sad after saying goodbye to Puerto Rico from the airplane window after a visit...

I did not leave any relatives back at the Dells. Just memories and wishes, just moments where, for a moment, I pretended to be at a resort in Puerto Rico.

I wish to go back again. The girls loved it...maybe in the middle of our brutal winter, we can escape...

What children know...

2008-07-22T00:21:00.004-05:00

Today, driving home from work with my girls, my youngest asks, out of the blue, "Mommy, is Sharon still sick?." My heart sank. If you see my posts on "Life and Death", you will then know who Sharon is. She is a dear friend of our family who passed away a few months back. She adored my kids!

So, my little 2-year-old angel asked for her today, with her characteristic innocence. I could not help but to start crying. I told her, "No, mama. Sharon is no longer sick. She is in heaven with God, and she is very happy." She said, "Oh, with God, and Baby Jesus, and Papa Ruben, and..." so she proceeded to list my ancestors in that long list of people who went to heaven...

What do children know that we don't? What can they see that we can't? What is the amazing gift they have, that gets smothered by growing up, by society, by more rational people who do not believe in "non-sense"?

When my oldest was a baby, she would stare, as if looking at something I could not see. No, she was not zoning. There was purpose in the way she looked into space.

The other day, my little one told her father she "knew" Papa Ruben lived with Baby Jesus. She "knew" Baby Jesus and angels took care of Papa Ruben...a papa she never met...or did she? Then, I told my mother, "Marissa has a message for you from Papa Ruben." As I relayed the "message", I could hear my mother crying on the other side of the phone. They were tears of joy, bittersweet tears, just like the ones I had today when she asked if Sharon was still sick.

I said it before...I believe, because I do. Many may think this is all non-sense, quackery, whatever. I believe death is not the end, and there are many, many things outthere our minds and intellects are simply to small to comprehend. It is very humbling to admit this. And I don't like the idea that all this soul work would simply finish underground, eaten by worms.

What children know, that we don't...

Tacky, tacky, tacky, puertorican style!!!

2008-07-16T15:43:00.005-05:00

tacky = crass; cheaply vulgar; tasteless; crude; gaudy; flashy; showy

etiquette = rules governing socially acceptable behavior

Tacky...that is one of those words you don't learn in English class in Puerto Rico. And if you do, is by the meaning of "sticky" as in glue. So when I moved here, it was one of those words that resonated in my head and stuck with me.

There is a parenting forum I visit in my area quite regularly. All kinds of opinions are discussed there. But when people ask for what is considered "acceptable" according to etiquette rules, that seems to ignite the most heated discussions on the subject.

I have been pondering on this. Ever since moving here, I have discovered many differences and similarities on what is considered "socially acceptable behavior" here and in the Island. And what is considered "tacky".

In my childhood, around the age of 6 or 7, there was a movie shown every afternoon, with a hostess who taught viewers what was considered good manners, etiquette. Lucy Pereda is her name. I cannot remember what the show was called, but I loved to watch Señora Pereda, elegant, poised, showing how to hold the knife and fork while cutting meat, how a señorita would seat properly, and all those other things proper ladies should learn.

Fast forward a "few" years, and I move to Wisconsin. I always considered I was respectful and considerate. But after living here for a few years, I start to discover what is tacky and what is not...

For example, around the time of my wedding, it was perfectly acceptable in Puerto Rico, and the trend, specially among "well-off" families, to include in wedding invitations a little card stating that a present was not necessary to attend the wedding and share that time with the couple, but requesting that, if the person really wanted to give one, to then make it a monetary gift. Yes, people were requesting money instead of presents! I asked about this, and more than one wedding stationary person glared at me as if I fell off a spaceship!

Of course, if you know me, you know what I ended up doing: I did how my people did it. So I am sure more than one guest commented how tacky that was...still, most of them came to the wedding, and by the end, the card box was packed. So, is not tacky to be whiney and complain to then end up doing whatever it is anyway? I think it is...

Then, comes the baby shower issue. When I was pregnant with my second child, my oldest was already five years old. We had moved once since her birth and got rid of most of my baby stuff. My brother-in-law's wife offered to throw a baby shower for me. Blasphemy!!! A few people I rather not mention scowled and were miffed I was having a second shower. Until I moved here, I did not ever give a second thougth to it: you are pregnant, you are having a baby, you get a baby shower. Simple. No matter if is number 1 or 10. I imagine that, if you asked a puertorican lady in the island about it, they would look at you like "huh?"...is one of those things you don't even ponder upon.

I ended up having my baby shower also...

I know, I know...I can probably hear a few say, "Well, you live in the United States now...". Um, excuse me...I have always lived in United States territory, for one. For another, the United States is a mix of many cultures that live here together. And many still preserve their traditions and their own rules for what they consider "socially acceptable"...I can do that, too.

So...funny thing, the word "etiquette" comes from the Old French word "estiquette", which means label or ticket. In Spanish, we use the same word, "etiqueta" for etiquette, and for labels. So, those who do not follow what some consider proper etiquette are labeled tacky...

If etiquette is supposed to dictate what is acceptable behavior, then the purpose is, I believe, to help people be more civil to one another. Why, then, people attack others who, in their opinion, do not follow their concept of etiquette? This is another thing as personal as religous beliefs and opinions, as unique as our own ethnic backgrounds and cultures. Why judge? Isn't that TACKY?

Divine Puertorican Food

2008-07-09T12:28:00.003-05:00

So, last Saturday I ventured into the predominantly Hispanic area of Milwaukee, hunting for yummy Puertorican food.

I know how to cook some of it. However, I don't cook it often. To me, it tastes better when someone else cooks it. Besides, to make it with the real flavor I am used to means cooking with ingredients that are not exactly the best for my health. So Puertorican food is a treat. And if it is a treat, I don't want to cook it!

My grandma used to make killer "pasteles" (a mix of shreded plaintain, meat and other ingredients you wrap in a plaintain leaf and boil until cooked, similar to a "tamale"). She also grew her own "gandules" (pigeon peas)in the yard, and sat for hours taking them out of their pods. I helped her sometimes. I remember rainy afternoons doing this, our hands stained green when we were done. Unfortunately, she left us before being able to pass on her culinary talents to me.

Then, there was "Tity" (Aunt) Carmen. Oh, she could cook! She taught me how to make rice and other things. I was never able to equal the taste of her food, though. One of my cousins, Noemi, learned from her and cooks pretty good, almost like Tity Carmen. Yet, not the same.

People asks all the time if Puertorican food is the same as Mexican food. I like Mexican food. But no, is not the same. When you see a box of Spanish rice at the grocery store, is not the same rice we make. There are as many differences as our people is different.

I miss the smells of our food everywhere, as you can get when you visit the island. If you are driving along the coast line, you can smell the sea along with the wind bringing the "tastes" of the seafood cooked in those restaurants around there. If you drive through the mountains, you can smell the rice, a pig roast, pasteles, the beans...occasionally, even an accident..."Alguien quemo las habichuelas!" (Someone must have burnt the beans!).

And in the urban centers, the smells of quick cafe-style restaurants, "cafeterias", where you find a case filled with lightbulbs keeping different fried delicacies warm, like "empanadillas" (a form of pasty filled with either meat, cheese, or any filling your imagination can find), "pastelillos", "bacalaitos"(fried cod), "rellenos"(potato balls filled with meat and fried), "mofongos" (plantain balls), and all sorts of sweet pastries people pick up for a quick, inexpensive lunch, or just as a feel-good snack...

Ah, I miss those smells. When I go visit, is the food that makes it all feel as if I never left. The foods of my childhood and youth. The tastes that are as fresh as the memories.

Yes, I went and had me some Puertorican, yummy food. I can't wait to do it again!

4 de Julio

2008-07-04T13:59:00.003-05:00

Fourth of July...

I attended my very first 4th of July parade on the year of the Bicentennial of the United States: 1976.

Where I come from, 4th of July is an adopted holiday. For most people, is one more reason to have a party, or to go to the beach. Beaches there are packed on that day! Certainly, a lot people in Puerto Rico are not aware of the significance it has here. Into my teenage years, some areas started to have fireworks on the 4th. I guess it is the byproduct of becoming more and more americanized.

After moving here, it was one of those things, like many others, where I had to adapt and learn, be educated, in "holiday etiquette". Never before had I thought of putting American flags in the yard or wearing red, white and blue on that day, or the days leading to it.

Then, the parades here, with all the patriotism, the standing for flags and marching military personnel, all the stuff and ritual that, to someone foreign to it, may seem a little "cultish". But is to pay tribute to the very concept of freedom that started the holiday.

I suppose, is one of the few things I have allowed myself to become assimilated into. Freedom is a goal and ideal of many countries, not only the United States. As a matter of fact, many come here from other parts of the world seeking that freedom. I don't have a problem celebrating it, and enjoy celebrating it the U.S. style.

It is, after all, another reason to have a party. A party with family and friends. Today, we will hang out at my in-laws. Tonight, we will go watch fireworks. All to celebrate the very freedom that we all strive to accomplish, no matter where you come from. After all, many other countries have their own "Dia de la Independencia", celebrated at different dates...

Feliz Dia de la Independencia!

"Puertorican blonde"

2008-06-29T07:27:00.004-05:00

The first time I heard that term, I cringed. For those of you unfamiliar, it refers to the strange shade hair turns when your natural hair color is black as tar and you try to make it anything ligher than a light brown. Then, if your skin is darker than olive, add the contrast, and there you have it: puertorican blonde.

I remember always hearing my mother talking about how she thought people with darker skin should not be blonde because it seems "unnatural". Yeah, right, mom. Like using hair color is natural to begin with! Ha!

Now, I am not criticizing using haircolor at all. You see? I colored my hair for the first time when I was 30, because I wanted to cover some grays, and wanted a change. After that, I have experimented with different shades. And because many people, when they first see me, don't think I fit the "typical" puertorican image they have in their heads, I kind of got away with whatever color I put in my hair.

A former stylist, who swore she must have been Hispanic in a previous life, proclaimed she knew everything about handling 'ethnic' hair (whatever that means). So she knew about "Puertorican Blondes". She used the term once when she was trying to do highlights on me, and said we needed to be careful or my hair would turn in that dreaded shade. When I looked at her puzzled, she replied, "Go to that neighborhood where most Hispanics live, and you will see it all over...". Wow! Another strong stereotype my people have to deal with in a neighborhood not far from mine! And, you know what? Knowing how the ladies in the area are, I don't think they care...

To me it all comes down to perception: a bad haircolor job will show no matter who you are. Some hair colors will match certain complexions better than others. Some hair colors will make me look washed out, while others will eliven me. Some hair colors will enhance the hair's beauty and looks while others won't. With proper care, the hair will stay as healthy as possible and will not look brassy and brittle.

So, is not about being from any specific ethnic group. Playing with hair color is fun, but has to be done carefully, the same way you choose the appropriate clothes or make up. As for the ethnicity of it, who cares? And, who knows? Maybe one of these days I will dare to go to the salon, bleach my hair and become the proverbial "Puertorican Blonde" myself, just for the heck of it!

That infamous Latin temper....

2008-06-22T17:07:00.004-05:00

My Latin temper blows up pretty fast, but it goes down just as fast. Maybe that's why you seldom hear of ulcers in Latin America. - Desi Arnaz

Ever since I moved to this US of A, there has always been the question: "Do you have a temper?". Ummm, yes. Doesn't everybody?

Not like the Latin Temper, I am led to believe.

From the spitfire image of Carmen Miranda with her fruit hat, to all the other Latinas in movies and theatre, most people think that we do have the WORST temper. But...

Do we really?

I relate very well to the quote above from Desi Arnaz. So, I wonder...is it that we just say things like we see them, and then get over them, while others just keep it all in? Personally, I rather get it out of my system, instead of letting it fester up inside.

When I first moved here, a potential employer called my prior one, and blatantly asked if they ever had problems because of me being Puertorican, because, she said, "you know that Latin temper". My then supervisor gave great references of me.

Little I knew, over the years, I was going to laugh, seeing how most people would lose their temper sooner and faster than I ever allowed myself to in public. Also, little I knew, other ethnic groups also have a "hot" temper reputation, but you just don't hear as much about it. Why?

Why don't we, here in the US, hear about those who lose it just as fast? We have all the stress-related diseases. We have people battling depression, eating disorders and other mental-health-related issues. Ever wonder if the pent-up, bottled anger, may have something to do with it? I come accross stoic people who are too proud, or too embarrassed to admit they have a problem, or to even talk about it with someone who does not live under their same roof. What? Some don't even talk about their problems with their own family!

So, is the Latin temper really that "bad", after all? I don't think so. I am happy. I rarely hold a grudge. Is it really THAT bad?

On Raising Children...

2008-06-20T11:47:00.004-05:00

So, I spend a great deal of my cybertime at a local parenting forum. Bunch of great ladies, I have to say.

And is a great place to exchange ideas and support one another when it comes to parenting-and other stuff also.

It is from there I got the idea for my blog today.

Of how different parenting styles are. How most people are not wrong or right in the way they raise their children. What ones find normal, others find bizarre. What work for some, does not work for many, and vice-versa.

One thread was dedicated at comments strangers make to mothers about their children. The nerve of some people, I tell you! Some of the stories made my jaw drop.

But in particular, one situation touched me closely. I commented on how I got glares from people at the mall when I had my baby's ears pierced; she was four month's old. I also commented that in Puerto Rico that is a very common practice.

Another mom comented she knew a Hispanic family who belonged to a religion that considered body piercings a sin. Well, yeah, those exists. Still, a lot of little girls in Puerto Rico get their little ear bling before the age of one.

Which led me to ponder about this:

Not to use a cliche, but children do not come with instruction manuals. You learn on the go. At first is overwhelming and at times frustrating, but you get the hang of it...eventually-hopefully! We all go through that, and I bet some of the people who glare at the mall, or offer advice nobody asked for are parents who went through that themselves. What is it that make people be so rude? You know what makes me laugh? The well-intentioned ones who offer the advise, even when they don't have children...oh, ignorance is blissful...A little person somewhere in my brain says, while listening to them..."You just wait!"...while laughing hysterically.

Still, I wish them the best. As of me...I have grown a skin thick enough as a mother to know when to smile and ignore, or when to give a witty comeback. And not to let the "mythical" Puertorican temper flare up... after all, Puertoricans are known to be nosey, loud and criticize everything, parenting styles of other ethnic groups included. Because we love our children too. Which is what it all boils down too...love.

Body Image...Puertorican style.

2008-06-16T23:35:00.003-05:00

So, I moved here in 1989. I was young and skinny.

Now, I am a little less young and a lot less skinny.

I remember, growing up, how the woman in my family were all concerned with weight. How I would hear, "Oh, be careful; with your genes, you are prone to become fat!". And all kind of comments of the like. I was little, but before long, when I started to approach puberty, and the hormones dictated that now fat was to be stored, the comments were then directed at me. I am surprised that no more woman I knew from that generation did not develop some kind of eating disorder. In high school, I remember my friends and I trying all sort of crazy diets, diet pills, and the like. Did not work one bit. Welcome to womanhood! Our body was to rearrange itself time and again. My mother was always slightly self-concious about her figure. She did not have, according to her, the figure most puertoricans would consider "perfect". And, by God, she had to transfer her insecurities to me. She did not want me to gain weight, as my body would not look "good enough" because of the shape I had. My shape, apparently, did not conform what somebody thought was the ideal figure either. The ideal puertorican figure...

It took many years to realize that my body is beautiful in its unique way. No, I did not have the "rear" or hips people there think I should have. I do have, though, pretty legs, the kind THEY like!

It wasn't until I moved here that my self-esteem regarding my body improved considerably. It alreay had improved, but the next kick came here. I get to this part of the world and I discover, first, that most men here had a different expectation from women's bodies. Also, I learned that I moved to a place ranked high when it comes to number of obese people, and is alarming, healthwise. But that put things into perspective for me. I used to work at this place, and my boss and his wife both insisted I was way too skinny. They were a little older. But one day, his previous administrative assistant came in to pick up some papers, and when she left, I said to him, "Now I understand why you people bug me so much about being so skinny...". Frankly, I meant no disrespect for the woman. Simply, it was what crossed my head, how everything is a matter of perception. I was NEVER called skinny in Puerto Rico...well, probably the last time, I was in 7th grade, and I already felt a little chubby because of my mother's obsession with weight. So my neighbors laughed when they saw me with a full leotard because I was going to exercise to lose weight...they laughed so hard! But after hitting puberty, no one ever listed "skinny" in their list of adjectives about me...until landing in Wisconsin.

Now, almost 19 years later, I am, we could say, satisfied with my body. Could I be in better shape? Perhaps. Could use losing a few post-pregnancy pounds...post-pregnancy almost 3 years later? Come on!

But yes, I could use losing them and also exercise more, more for health reasons than appearance.

And that is the message I want for my children and all young woman outthere killing themselves to be thin...in the Midwest, in Puerto Rico, in the whole world. Healthy does not mean stick thin. It means fit, toned, with good cardiovascular health. I don't know how the eating disorders are in Puerto Rico today...and, sadly, I would not be surprised if the statistics were even higher than here...

The Accent of My Life

2008-06-08T00:16:00.004-05:00

I have always loved accents. Growing up, I loved listening to people from other Spanish speaking countries, and their accents. Specially, the accents from Spain and Argentina were my favorites. Argentina has a very strong Italian influence. So people there speaks with that Italian intonation...is very melodic. And the Spanish from Spain...with the strongly pronounced S's and Z's and J's...oh! Back then, I could have fallen in love with a man from there just for his accent.

Little I knew, one day, I, too, would have an accent.

From those growing years, fast-forward: 1989. I move to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And, the first time I enter a bar by myself, I order, try to have conversation with the bartender, apologize for the fact that I am having a hard time understanding her, because back then I was not a very fluent English speaker, and I say that I am from Puerto Rico and still learning...she smiles and says, "Oh, I know; I noticed your accent..". Huh? Accent? I don't detect an accent listening myself speak. As a matter of fact, in Puerto Rico, I was always complimented on how well I pronounced my English words. In my group of single friends, I was the most fluent...now, how ironic: from being the most fluent in Puerto Rico, I went to being less fluent and an accent. If we met guys from the States that were visiting, for example, during spring break, I was the one called upon to interpret for everybody. The first time I heard the phrase "social butterfly" was during one of those occasions when I interpreted, because I went from group to group, person to person, transporting messages in both languages, and one of the gringos said I was the "social butterfly." And of course, someone else ended taking the boy home, after all the work I've done...kidding!

So, now, in Milwaukee, I happen to discover that I am the one with an accent...how funny! That was the first encounter with that reality, but not the last. Since then, I have encountered all the possible situations. I have been on the end of jokes, people imitating my accent (and not because they want to pay tribute to it). I have been told to quit faking it by some guy who thought I needed to make an accent up to appear sexy...as if I wanted to appear sexy for him...ugh! And I have been genuinely told that my accent IS sexy. I have been told my accent sounds other than Spanish. I have come a long way with the fluency of my language since my first days here. But I refuse to lose my accent. And I have also learned to appreciate other English accents as well. I particularly like the British accent.

For those who like my accent...that's great-thank you! For those who don't or those who are stupid about it (oh, yes, there are some people outthere who is stupid about it, although I am happy to say, not many), this is my message to them: go learn a foreign language. Then, because that language will be your 2nd language, you, too, will have an accent. And, to those Americans who are really ignorant and mean about it...go to Puerto Rico, and attempt to communicate in Spanish. Your accent will be so funny people will be spitting their drinks when they start laughing. I thought so growing up. As a matter of fact, that accent was my LEAST favorite: a gringo speaking Spanish. But, you know what? In Puerto Rico, everyone is required to learn English, and anyone working in the tourism industry HAS to be bilingual. Most people will help you if you get stuck with your Spanish, and actually, only a few ignorant will spit their drinks when they hear you talk. So, go ahead, make fun of my accent, but before crossing the line from fun to mean, remember, it could be that someday someone will be laughing at YOUR accent...And in the meantime, my accent will still be beautiful...

"Amor de Novela"

2008-05-26T18:16:00.004-05:00

Last night, I went to bed late. I was watching a reality show on TV; I will not say the name of the show or the tv network, as I don't want to "advertise". This show was looking for the next "telenovela" star, and went through weeks of competition looking for the person who would go through a series of challenges and in the end win prizes, including a contract to appear in a "novela" in one of the main Spanish-language networks.

A "novela" is more or less the equivalent of the American Soap Opera. But in the "novela", there is a beginning and an end. So is more like a "mini-series", although they are generally longer than an American mini-series...so, in summary, there is not a literal translation for the term.

Growing up, my grandma used to have me sit next to her while she watched her favorite novela. They started on the radio, and then, with the advent of TV, novelas were made for the small screen. My mother did not want my grandma to do this, as she thought the content was inappropriate for children-now I understand she was right! But I loved the drama! My abuela and I had this complicity going on. She would let me watch, but I could not tell my mom. Eventually, it would come out, after one novela ended, but then, the next one would start, and it would start all over again.

In the typical Spanish tele-novela, there are all kinds of plots going on. Star-crossed lovers from different backgrounds who overcome all sorts of obstacles but in the end their love triumphs. Crime. Pre-marital or extra-marital affairs. Mothers forced to give their children up for adoption because they were conceived out of wedlock, or as a result of sexual assault. Or, in the worst case, the children were taken away and the mother made to believe the child was dead. Gossip, intrigue, discrimination...all the possible ranges of human emotion taken to ludicrous extremes. My aunt used to scream, "These people who come up with the novelas are insulting our intelligence!"

The guy who won last night was a handsome Puertorican man who resides in New York. I wish him well. He did well in most of his challenges and showed commitment to the craft. The show, however, was a little cheesy, in my opinion. I don't know if it will come up again for another season. I have not looked to see how well it was received by the audience, Hispanic or not. I don't know that the show portrayed Latinos in a very positive light in general. It did, however, showed what novelas are all about: drama, and our love for it. Viva la novela!!

Dogs, Racehorses and other creatures in Puerto Rico

2008-05-16T12:41:00.005-05:00

Ok, so a few months ago, my little island was in the news because some Einstein decided it was a good idea to throw a bunch of stray dogs that were collected in a truck off a cliff to their deaths. A very cruel idea. A petition went around with thousands of signatures - including mine - to stop that nonsense. Tons of people boycotted Puerto Rico and decided never to travel there, the same way I would never go to Aruba because of the Natalee Holloway case.

Now, this morning, I see another article that almost knocked me off my chair...Every year, many losing racehorses do not leave the racegrounds alive because there are no resources to support them. Even the healthy ones, with no apparent problems, are euthanized. Growing up in the Island, my father was a fan of horse racing. I never knew of this practice.

In commenting this, others in the US tell me that in fact this also happens here with horses, grayhounds, and other animals used for sport purposes. Is becoming less and less because people are speaking up and organizations are dedicating themselves to rescue and adopt these creatures. One person tells me, "this is an appalling story, but now that is in the open, maybe things will get better."

Well, I certainly hope so. First, unnecessary suffering of animals is beyond my comprehension. I know there are tons of stray dogs and cats in Puerto Rico. Instead of dumping them like garbage, spend your money in controlling the growing population! With the horses, how come the owners have the money to buy them, but then can discard them if they don't win, as an old shoe? Yeah, yeah...they don't want to support a loser, they have others...blah, blah, blah, whatever! The owners should be made responsible to make arrangements if the animal is still healthy.

Second, the bad publicity. I am sorry, but we already have enough of a bad reputation. My little island is a beautiful place. I no longer live there, but I still love it. Not enough work and a lot of crime? We know that. So we don't need to add more to it. People in Puerto Rico, get your act together and have a little more pride show in your actions! I am still proud when I say, "I am from Puerto Rico!". I refuse to assimilate into the culture or lose my accent, because I would be Puertorrican even if I lived in Mars. It becomes difficult, though, when all you hear in the news is stuff like this. I refuse to hide who I am, though, and always will...

When senior citizens were respected...

2008-05-04T23:11:00.003-05:00

This afternoon, I am sitting in the living room and the news are on...I have been pondering on this, on what it means to be a senior citizen on our society. Then, there come this news break. An 81-year-old woman in Indiana was beaten by a 19-year-old because she was driving too slow. They show the elderly woman, bruised, with a broken leg. Then they show the teenager as she is taken by the police, with her nasty attitude seeping, sticking her tongue out at the camera. I was shocked. My 8-year-old daughter is sitting there, and I looked at her and said, "If you are ever caught doing such a thing, do not expect me to get you out of jail." She looked at me and said, "I would never do something like that!" We talked about it. About how everyone deserved respect.

It brought me back to my own childhood. How respect and compassion for others has always been a part of who I am. Ever since I remember, I could feel a knot forming in my chest when I encountered frail, elderly people, or disabled people. Granted, sometimes, they were objects of curiosity-have you ever seen a child stare at someone in crutches, or lacking a limb? But that is more the product of an inquiring mind than anything else. In Puerto Rico, and in many Hispanic countries, our "viejos" (our elders) are revered, and live with the rest of the family until almost the end of their lives. The speed of life today forces everyone to seek a nursing home everywhere for an ailing, aging family member. But when I was little, only "bad" sons or daughters sought such a solution for their parents. And I am no saint. I can remember times when, with a group of friends, we would make fun of someone in a seemingly disadvantaged position. This may have been cruel, but, believe me, it was just for fun nevertheless. No real cruelty, no harm intended. Because, I bet you anything, neither me or any of my friends would have ever thought of doing what that 19-year-old did. And, darn it! On top, her last name is Vazquez. A Hispanic name, like we don't have enough for people to blame us for.

But the point is, in what type of environment did this young person grew in that she feels she can do such a thing? How are her parents? Did they instill in her the slightest idea of what compassion and love and consideration are? Maybe. We can't blame parents all the time. Maybe they tried to give her the best of everything. Granted, we all have become cynical in todays society. I remember how, after moving here almost 19 years ago, I encountered seniors who had the same entitlement attitude. Seniors today are not what they used to be. They are more active and in better health at a more advanced age than the prior generation. They are also more independent. And, yes, you run into the ones that think that because they are seniors, they can run me over with their grocery cart, or they can skip in front of me at the deli counter, or...you get the idea! And then, there are the ones that we feel should not be driving. But for a lot of them, is the last trace of independence left, and is hard to give it up. So they drive, and they are slow, and erratic at times. And, yes, they do get on my nerves! We live in such a hurried, stressed society, we need to get everywhere fast. So we waive, and curse, and maybe even hunk, while the person is trying to focus on the road. When I see that the slow poke in front of me is a little old lady trying to get somewhere, I feel like a heel for being so stupid and impatient. So, how is it that this girl thinks she has the right to do what she did? Did she have older people in her life, ever? A grandma? A neighbor? And the biggest question...does she think that she will be forever young? She better watch out for the time when she is old, and driving slow...

What is wrong with speaking MY LANGUAGE!!!!

2008-04-28T16:15:00.004-05:00

A few months back, our city's newspaper published an article regarding a worker in a nursing home who had been disciplined for speaking Spanish on the job. The woman claims she only used Spanish on the phone when speaking to her mother, who does not speak English, and to a Spanish-speaking co-worker during breaks. She had worked there for a number of years, and never had a problem until a new manager came on board. This manager did not like hearing her speaking in that language. So she started to find all kinds of things to "nit-pick" on this woman. The woman ended up quitting-but first filed a complaint with the EEOC(Equal Employment Opportunity Commission)- and taking a job at a hospital where-guess what?-she is paid EXTRA for speaking Spanish!!!

Then, last Saturday, I read in the paper one of those famous advise columns. In it, a couple complained that their daughter-in-law repeatedly engaged in conversations with her children and parents in her native language, and that they had said to her many times that they felt hurt by it, but she continued doing it. They asked the column's writer if, in her opinion, their daughter-in-law's behavior is rude. The column writer answer she did considered rude unless the parents did not know English.

In both ocassions, I wrote back to the publication where the article originated, expresing my feelings about this. I grew up in Puerto Rico, but it was mandatory to study English every year of my school years there. When I moved to the States, I was not exactly fluent, but I was able to get by until my language skills developed and I became more fluent and comfortable. Not everyone feels like this. Some people, depending on many factors, never achieve a level of mastery where they feel comfortable. I agree that, if I come here to work hard and get ahead, I should learn the language. I also agree that bilingual assistance should be provided for those newly arrived, or people who, for some reason, are not going to learn the language to a desired level of proficiency: the sick, elderly, or those with a learning disability. But even if everybody learns the language, I believe that speaking our language with others helps us retain a sense of connection to our past and the countries we come from.

How is it that some people feel so righteous that they can dictate what language I can speak in? Many times I have been told, "Speak English!", to which I respond, "Learn Spanish! It is a wonderful skill to have, to be bilingual!" That usually shuts them up! If people is paranoid and think I take the time to speak about them in my language...maybe they are right (if they have done something to deserve it). Otherwise, people, don't assume the world revolve around you when I run into friends and start speaking in Spanish. Is not about you...it really is all about ME!!!

Always late? Puertorrican time...

2008-04-24T12:22:00.002-05:00

I was reading one of those lady magazines's May issue. In it, a famous psychologist writes about what being chronically late says about you. Control issues, deppresion, fear...what is it that make every person not be punctual, making everyone around wait for them?

I have been trying to do some research on the question nagging my head while I read. This psychologist, did he base his findings from research done with North American patients only? Growing up in Puerto Rico, my mother was a stickler for being always on time. And understandably: she was tired of the common "Puertorrican time". Seems like almost everyone down in the island is affected by this. Is not like we are totally laid back and relaxed, but no one seems to care if they make it on time anywhere. And the same can be said from the ones I know live here in the States. My mother was always ready on time, and fumed when, before she bought a car, had to rely on others who always said they would show at a certain time but did 2 hours later. But her motto was, "I rather wait than have someone wait for me". Once I attended a baby shower, scheduled to start at 3pm. Knowing the hosts were fellow Puertorricans, we took our time and showed at 3:15. The hall was still being decorated! The hosts showed up close to 5!
We were a little annoyed, but still managed to have a good time. Just the food was worth it!

But, in reading the article, I was wondering, what is it that make most Puertorricans not care about punctuality? What causes the legendary "Puertorrican time"? I would like opinions...if anyone has the slightest idea...

Life and Death - Part 3

2008-04-15T16:10:00.003-05:00

So, our friend has been laid to rest...

We had a service in her daughter's church yesterday, and the burial was this morning.

So different than everything I knew from my younger years. I remember when my grandma died. The visitation - "el funeral" was the fun part. All the grandkids-about 20 in total, including me (I was about 9 at the time)- were having lots of fun. The visitation was not a 2 or 3 hour deal, nothing of this "pay your respects" and leave. It was an around-the-clock affair. It was, besides, a social event. You mingled, you stayed as long as possible, you prayed a rosary or two (that, if you were catholic-there was always a person skilled in praying the rosary at every funeral). There was always a kitchen with "galletas export soda y chocolate caliente" (saltines and hot cocoa), and even pastries at times. Around 10 or 11 pm, only the close family remained, and many stayed the whole night, because they can't "dejar el muerto solo" (leave the dead body alone-that is no longer allowed in Puerto Rico; everyone leaves at midnight and come back the next day).

Our friend's funeral was emotional, but subdued. You could hear sniffles, and everyone had tears. But no loud wailing. At the burial site, no one had to be restrained so they would not jump in the hole where the casket was to be buried...a common occurrence in Latino burials. I never seen anyone actually jump in, but they tried...

The one thing that is the same: It hurts. We may show it differently, but it hurts. Is all over now. She rests and is at peace. Life goes on. We will miss her but eventually we will be at peace with her departure. My postings from now on will be more cheerful (hopefully), unless, of course, we are faced with a huge loss like this!

Rest in peace, Sharon. We would be forever grateful for everything, especially for being such a spoiling, surrogate abuela to our daughters...they better keep an orderly, neat office up there, somewhere for you!

Facebook...an addiction?

2008-04-13T00:51:00.004-05:00

A few months ago, I received an email invitation to join Facebook. The "social utility" I first heard off through a high-school classmate-who warned me, "Cuando entras ahi, estas todo el dia...!(When you go in it, you are in it all day!)", now had a group of my high-school alumni. I entered and signed up, but never took a second look at what went on in it, specially after my friend's warning.

However, 2 weeks ago, one of my cousins from Puerto Rico sent me an email, indicating that she had created a Facebook account in which I would be able to see pictures of her 1-year-old twins, and she was inviting me to join as well so I could get in and see them.

So, I "resurrected" my forgotten account...and that was it: I had succumbed to the "Facebook Fever", as I would like to call it. Just in a few days, I had found and connected with a lot of people. Some of them from around here, but for the most part, former classmates from high-school and college, friends from the neighborhoods I grew up in, or party friends from nearby towns and acquaintances from my regular hang-outs, and a few relatives. Some of this people I had not seen in about 20 years, if not longer. Some remembered me immediately; others, I had to jog their memory.

A Milwaukee friend said to me yesterday that she would not be interested in Facebook, as she keeps in touch with the important people in her life, and she is not really that interested in connecting with people from the past or high-school. Which is fine...I still have the prerogative of choosing who to connect with. I can remove people from my list if I want to. And they can remove me as well. But for someone like me, who the only family in Wisconsin consist of my immediate family unit-spouse and children-this is somewhat of a great thing.

I even joined a Facebook group named, "Me van a botar del trabajo por estar juquea con Facebook (I will get fired from my job because I am hooked with Facebook)". Sounds funny, and I hope it does not really happen...I know that, eventually, the novelty will wane, and I will visit the site less often. I have been able to find friends with whom I simply lost contact with. Some people's reception has been warm, while others are like, oh well, one more person...who cares? But for now, I am enjoying this opening of my world...this welcoming of ideas, of playing in a virtual playground, not much different than when my daughter goes to Webkinz or ClubPenquin...and I will play until a new "playground" comes along...

Life and Death - Part 2

2008-04-11T12:11:00.003-05:00

Well, our friend passed away this morning around 7:00 am (CST).

My husband called to let me know. And, as a good Puertorrican, I started bawling right away. I am at work, and I work with a bunch of gringos. So I composed myself, and continued about my day as if nothing happened. My workplace recently lost a former worker to cancer. Only one person cried. I even cried a little, and I did not even know the woman! But for the most part, my co-workers were stoic...

Our friend no longer suffers. She slipped away peacefully. And I am very, very sad...In our human, selfish nature, we mourn and grief, not for her, but because we can no longer see her. Is it really about us, or about the idea of the brevity of life? The idea that, we can be here today and gone tomorrow...If you are a religious or spiritual person, we have our own ideas of what happens...If someone thinks this is it, and when we die, it's all over...well, I hate to say, that "sucks" even more...I am not cutting down on what non-religious or non-believers think. For me, though, is hard to digest the idea that this is "it". Nothing before, nothing after? It can't be...we cultivate our souls and intellects to then have it all eaten by worms? I don't think so...

So, with that said, I say, "Farewell, my friend; we will see each other soon in the other side. We love you."

Domestic Violence: Global Threat

2008-04-10T12:27:00.002-05:00

I was reading one of Puerto Rico's daily newspapers. One of the headliners is a shocker, and yet too familiar. A woman was stabbed to death by her significant other right at her workplace, wrapping up the violence circle. The paper states that this is so far the 8th death due to domestic violence this year. The victim has repeatedly requested help from the authorities in the form of restraining orders. The first one was granted, but it expired and never renewed.

Unfortunately, this is happening very frequently. Right here, in our small town, we had a mother stabbed to death by her partner. Police had intervened previously, but the victim ended up dead anyway. What is it? Lack of sensitivity on part of the authorities? Some people are quick to point the finger to the victim. The victims did not ask to be killed. There is training, anger management, shelters, campaigns against violence. And yet, the problem continues to grow. Somewhere it has to stop. Somewhere, people around the world has to learn this is not OK. Authorities have to listen, and act, to protect those in danger. We protect endangered species...well, human females may be next...

Teachers, teachers, teachers...

2008-04-09T13:54:00.003-05:00

So, a new parallel in my life...Just found out that some teachers in our School District are picketing in front of our City Hall. They are negotiating their salaries for their new contract. In Puerto Rico, the same happened a few weeks back.

One of our teacher's complaints are the co-pays they will have to pay with their health insurance. In Puerto Rico, first of all, teachers are not allowed to picket. The teachers in Wauwatosa should go and see what the teachers in the Island earn, and in what conditions are schools in Puerto Rico ; Wauwatosa teachers are lucky they still can exercise their right to picket without fearing retaliation.

I think the teachers in our district should realize how good they have it, and how ridiculosly high insurance premiums are everywhere else...welcome to our world!

Life and Death

2008-04-06T21:44:00.002-05:00

What you do when a person dear and near finds out she only has a few weeks, maybe only days to live? After living here for so many years, I have learned to appreciate the differences on how death, dying and grieving are seen in "la Isla" and here.

There, if you find out someone close to you is dying, you are bawling, crying your eyes out the whole time. Everything is so dramatic, so emotional.

Here, from what I have experienced, everything is so calm, very structured: you meet with doctors, therapists and social workers, you discuss how to manage the "end of life", and you get hospice care, either at home or at a facility.

There, I don't know any longer, but from what my friend Hilda in New Jersey told me, things continue to be the same. She had to make a quick, over-night trip to Puerto Rico to attend her granfather's funeral. Her granfather was somewhat of an icon in the area where he lived. So, there was music, drink, food, and his casket was tranported in a cart pulled by horses, and probably was followed by a group of woman howling behind, like it was described in Biblical times...

I wonder, how would that be perceived by those here who plan everything related to their death so systematically, so measured? It is a cultural shocker. I have seen both.

And yet...does it really matter? Does it make any difference at all? Is the grieving any different, or deep inside, do we all grieve the same, regardless of what we believe or where we come from.

The person dear and near to us is dying...we went to see her tonight. We know this was goodbye; I have been crying since I found out about it...I guess that part of me is still true to the place I come from...

Bienvenidos-Welcome!

2008-04-06T10:57:00.003-05:00

I am very new at this...Never thought I was going to start my own blog. It has been almost 19 years since I left my native Puerto Rico. I came to Milwaukee to visit, and stayed. I intend here to blog about anything and everything. I want to talk about issues affecting anyone. I am a wife, a mother, and I work for a living. I live here, but I am from somewhere else. I am a common person like anyone else...there are issues that affect Puertorricans, and those of Hispanic ascendence in general, other issues affect the population as a whole, no matter where you come from. Some will pertain to my town, others to the whole world...

Please feel free to suggest anything. I have a strong opinion, and yet, I want to be respectful and compassionate to the opinions of many.

Now, a word of caution...I will be moderating comments to my blog, and I will reserve the right to block any comments that I may deem disrespectul and inappropriate to me or other readers. Please refrain from crude and foul language or offensive content. With that said, I also will point that I have a very thick skin! We can agree to disagree and still have a fair discussion.

So, bienvenidos a mi blog-welcome to my blog! Send your suggestions...I will be posting regularly!

Gracias-Thank you!