So death strikes again...

A long time ago, right after I created this blog, I posted a few entries that were the product of a sense of grief and loss. I had lost a friend back then, so I pondered upon death, and life after.

Now, once again, I try to make sense of that mystery.

Almost a month ago, another friend left this world, suddenly, unexpectedly.

He was one of those friends that was close and dear to me for a while, then we lost touch for a few years. And, thanks to the magic of technology (namely, Facebook), we were able to reconnect. I was happy to have found him. We were very close to be related at some point, had I married when I was 22 years old...but that's another story. Point is, we were almost family then, and it still felt as if we were.

I was looking forward to the day I could go back home and have a reunion with him and other members of his family. Then, they lost their parents, almost one after another. I grieved with him and his sister through Facebook. We exchanged thoughts and condolences. His parents were dear people as well. I was very saddened by their departure.

Then, about a month ago, on a Monday morning, during my routine, daily Facebook check in the morning, I read the post of a mutual friend, and almost passed out. My eyes welled up, and I could not believe what I was reading. My friend had been found dead in his apartment. Sudden. Apparently a heart attack or something like that.

That made me once again ponder on all the cliches: today we are here, tomorrow is not guaranteed. Value what you have now. All those things that are repeated so much, but that are so real and true.

His sister, who also is my friend, has had a tough year with the loss of her parents, a dear close friend, and now her brother, to whom she was very close. I don't dare to imagine how she must be feeling; I would be arrogant if I said that I know how she feels. I don't know how it is to lose a brother. And even if I did, grief is unique to each individual.

And once again, I ponder when would I see my friend again. As I said in one of those earlier posts, I cannot believe that this is it. I cannot believe that life ends with our bodies decaying and rottening under the earth. This wonderful "invention" that is a human being, with this energy inside, cannot end here...so, I guess I will see you again, my friend. In the meantime, rest well.

(In loving memory of Hugo Lopez de Jesus).

What children know...

Today, driving home from work with my girls, my youngest asks, out of the blue, "Mommy, is Sharon still sick?." My heart sank. If you see my posts on "Life and Death", you will then know who Sharon is. She is a dear friend of our family who passed away a few months back. She adored my kids!

So, my little 2-year-old angel asked for her today, with her characteristic innocence. I could not help but to start crying. I told her, "No, mama. Sharon is no longer sick. She is in heaven with God, and she is very happy." She said, "Oh, with God, and Baby Jesus, and Papa Ruben, and..." so she proceeded to list my ancestors in that long list of people who went to heaven...

What do children know that we don't? What can they see that we can't? What is the amazing gift they have, that gets smothered by growing up, by society, by more rational people who do not believe in "non-sense"?

When my oldest was a baby, she would stare, as if looking at something I could not see. No, she was not zoning. There was purpose in the way she looked into space.

The other day, my little one told her father she "knew" Papa Ruben lived with Baby Jesus. She "knew" Baby Jesus and angels took care of Papa Ruben...a papa she never met...or did she? Then, I told my mother, "Marissa has a message for you from Papa Ruben." As I relayed the "message", I could hear my mother crying on the other side of the phone. They were tears of joy, bittersweet tears, just like the ones I had today when she asked if Sharon was still sick.

I said it before...I believe, because I do. Many may think this is all non-sense, quackery, whatever. I believe death is not the end, and there are many, many things outthere our minds and intellects are simply to small to comprehend. It is very humbling to admit this. And I don't like the idea that all this soul work would simply finish underground, eaten by worms.

What children know, that we don't...

Life and Death - Part 3

So, our friend has been laid to rest...

We had a service in her daughter's church yesterday, and the burial was this morning.

So different than everything I knew from my younger years. I remember when my grandma died. The visitation - "el funeral" was the fun part. All the grandkids-about 20 in total, including me (I was about 9 at the time)- were having lots of fun. The visitation was not a 2 or 3 hour deal, nothing of this "pay your respects" and leave. It was an around-the-clock affair. It was, besides, a social event. You mingled, you stayed as long as possible, you prayed a rosary or two (that, if you were catholic-there was always a person skilled in praying the rosary at every funeral). There was always a kitchen with "galletas export soda y chocolate caliente" (saltines and hot cocoa), and even pastries at times. Around 10 or 11 pm, only the close family remained, and many stayed the whole night, because they can't "dejar el muerto solo" (leave the dead body alone-that is no longer allowed in Puerto Rico; everyone leaves at midnight and come back the next day).

Our friend's funeral was emotional, but subdued. You could hear sniffles, and everyone had tears. But no loud wailing. At the burial site, no one had to be restrained so they would not jump in the hole where the casket was to be buried...a common occurrence in Latino burials. I never seen anyone actually jump in, but they tried...

The one thing that is the same: It hurts. We may show it differently, but it hurts. Is all over now. She rests and is at peace. Life goes on. We will miss her but eventually we will be at peace with her departure. My postings from now on will be more cheerful (hopefully), unless, of course, we are faced with a huge loss like this!

Rest in peace, Sharon. We would be forever grateful for everything, especially for being such a spoiling, surrogate abuela to our daughters...they better keep an orderly, neat office up there, somewhere for you!

Life and Death - Part 2

Well, our friend passed away this morning around 7:00 am (CST).

My husband called to let me know. And, as a good Puertorrican, I started bawling right away. I am at work, and I work with a bunch of gringos. So I composed myself, and continued about my day as if nothing happened. My workplace recently lost a former worker to cancer. Only one person cried. I even cried a little, and I did not even know the woman! But for the most part, my co-workers were stoic...

Our friend no longer suffers. She slipped away peacefully. And I am very, very sad...In our human, selfish nature, we mourn and grief, not for her, but because we can no longer see her. Is it really about us, or about the idea of the brevity of life? The idea that, we can be here today and gone tomorrow...If you are a religious or spiritual person, we have our own ideas of what happens...If someone thinks this is it, and when we die, it's all over...well, I hate to say, that "sucks" even more...I am not cutting down on what non-religious or non-believers think. For me, though, is hard to digest the idea that this is "it". Nothing before, nothing after? It can't be...we cultivate our souls and intellects to then have it all eaten by worms? I don't think so...

So, with that said, I say, "Farewell, my friend; we will see each other soon in the other side. We love you."