I am back.

So, yes, I have been gone for a long time...5 months since my last post.

Busy, busy. Between going back to school, then holidays, then the start of another semester, endless changes in my work and personal life, barely no time for anything.

But, everything is well! No complains! The new year brings new resolutions that don't last, but some linger in the back of our heads and work their way through so we can still work it all out. So now I exercise more than I did in January. I am trying to eat better, and have become better at keeping the house organized. Not an expert, just better.

My children continue to grow and amaze me. Everyday is a new discovery, a new adventure...

I am back, and I hope I stay...I have much to talk about, to catch up...I missed you all, and I hope you missed me too! And if you did not...well, I am back anyway!

Yes, we can!

So, I don't want to make this a political blog. Election day is over. History was made.

So just this once, I will recall the experiences of the last few days since we elected a new president.

In my native Puerto Rico, there is a new governor as well. And most people down there are quite happy with the result. They say, they wanted "cambio," change. A young, charismatic, vibrant governor with a big following. I guess he won by ample margin too.

My mother voted for him...remember? She did not want to vote...

Just like here, people wanted change.

We have a new president elect. Vibrant, charismatic. Many think he won just because his ethnicity. And, yes, that is important. Many of those with African descent thought this day would never come. And for those of us who are considered "people of color," it is important too.

But mostly, is about how people is thirsty for a new way to do things. Our president-elect may be just another politician. He will certainly make mistakes, as only humans do. However, this is the hope that something can be done. If a milestone as huge as this can be reached, then everything is possible.

And, even when this may be controversial, I will write it; this is my blog, right? I have a message for all the white supremacists outthere. Those who believe they are better and smarter just because they are white. You know what? You are not. You are just painfully and disappointingly ignorant. And I hope one day you understand that there is no such thing as a pure-bred white, or any race, in this country anymore. Even if there was, that does not make one better than the other. So stop your threats and your complains. You know who you are. I hope one day you see the light.

Ok, off my soap box now! No more politics...for a while!

What, you are NOT voting?!?!

I never voted until I moved here. I grew up in a home where my mother was very apathetic towards the whole democratic process of an election. My dad voted, but did not do much to instill any civic responsibility in me.

The other day, my mom dared to tell me she was thinking about NOT voting (elections to elect Puerto Rico's next governor are tomorrow as well-they do not participate in Presidential elections, but do elect a Resident Comissioner to Washington-and other stuff I can't remember-sorry!).

I about went through the phone..."MAMI, you have to vote! Do you know women could not vote until 100 years ago? Do you know how many risked their lives so we could have that right? Are you not going to complain about how things are the next 4 years? Because if you don't vote, you can't complain...." etc, etc, etc....you get the jist of it.

So, different opinions and preferences aside, please vote tomorrow, people! It is our duty. I work with some ladies that so matter of factly shrugged today and said, "Me? I am not voting"...

Their decision. Still, I wish I could get in their heads and convince them to go vote.

Please?

I am back!

So, I know I have been away for a while. Between school, two jobs, a family, life creeped up on me! But I love writing, so here I am!

First, I have a new job with a larger employer in my area. I hope this will bring great benefits to us.

School takes a big chunk of my time. I have been writing LOTS of papers for school. So that is another reason why I have been unable to write much here.

My girls are getting bigger by the day. My husband is doing great; his health is better as he has lost a ton of weight...now, it is my turn to lose some too! hehe!

The political race is crazy here, as I know it has been back in the Island as well...only a few more days left...yay!!!

I recently had a birthday. I don't mind saying my age; I will not share here only for safety reasons...let's say just a bit over 35. (Grin!). And it was great!

So, I am back, and ready to write some more...so brace yourselves!! Hasta pronto!

Tacky, tacky, tacky, puertorican style!!!

tacky = crass; cheaply vulgar; tasteless; crude; gaudy; flashy; showy

etiquette = rules governing socially acceptable behavior

Tacky...that is one of those words you don't learn in English class in Puerto Rico. And if you do, is by the meaning of "sticky" as in glue. So when I moved here, it was one of those words that resonated in my head and stuck with me.

There is a parenting forum I visit in my area quite regularly. All kinds of opinions are discussed there. But when people ask for what is considered "acceptable" according to etiquette rules, that seems to ignite the most heated discussions on the subject.

I have been pondering on this. Ever since moving here, I have discovered many differences and similarities on what is considered "socially acceptable behavior" here and in the Island. And what is considered "tacky".

In my childhood, around the age of 6 or 7, there was a movie shown every afternoon, with a hostess who taught viewers what was considered good manners, etiquette. Lucy Pereda is her name. I cannot remember what the show was called, but I loved to watch Señora Pereda, elegant, poised, showing how to hold the knife and fork while cutting meat, how a señorita would seat properly, and all those other things proper ladies should learn.

Fast forward a "few" years, and I move to Wisconsin. I always considered I was respectful and considerate. But after living here for a few years, I start to discover what is tacky and what is not...

For example, around the time of my wedding, it was perfectly acceptable in Puerto Rico, and the trend, specially among "well-off" families, to include in wedding invitations a little card stating that a present was not necessary to attend the wedding and share that time with the couple, but requesting that, if the person really wanted to give one, to then make it a monetary gift. Yes, people were requesting money instead of presents! I asked about this, and more than one wedding stationary person glared at me as if I fell off a spaceship!

Of course, if you know me, you know what I ended up doing: I did how my people did it. So I am sure more than one guest commented how tacky that was...still, most of them came to the wedding, and by the end, the card box was packed. So, is not tacky to be whiney and complain to then end up doing whatever it is anyway? I think it is...

Then, comes the baby shower issue. When I was pregnant with my second child, my oldest was already five years old. We had moved once since her birth and got rid of most of my baby stuff. My brother-in-law's wife offered to throw a baby shower for me. Blasphemy!!! A few people I rather not mention scowled and were miffed I was having a second shower. Until I moved here, I did not ever give a second thougth to it: you are pregnant, you are having a baby, you get a baby shower. Simple. No matter if is number 1 or 10. I imagine that, if you asked a puertorican lady in the island about it, they would look at you like "huh?"...is one of those things you don't even ponder upon.

I ended up having my baby shower also...

I know, I know...I can probably hear a few say, "Well, you live in the United States now...". Um, excuse me...I have always lived in United States territory, for one. For another, the United States is a mix of many cultures that live here together. And many still preserve their traditions and their own rules for what they consider "socially acceptable"...I can do that, too.

So...funny thing, the word "etiquette" comes from the Old French word "estiquette", which means label or ticket. In Spanish, we use the same word, "etiqueta" for etiquette, and for labels. So, those who do not follow what some consider proper etiquette are labeled tacky...

If etiquette is supposed to dictate what is acceptable behavior, then the purpose is, I believe, to help people be more civil to one another. Why, then, people attack others who, in their opinion, do not follow their concept of etiquette? This is another thing as personal as religous beliefs and opinions, as unique as our own ethnic backgrounds and cultures. Why judge? Isn't that TACKY?

Divine Puertorican Food

So, last Saturday I ventured into the predominantly Hispanic area of Milwaukee, hunting for yummy Puertorican food.

I know how to cook some of it. However, I don't cook it often. To me, it tastes better when someone else cooks it. Besides, to make it with the real flavor I am used to means cooking with ingredients that are not exactly the best for my health. So Puertorican food is a treat. And if it is a treat, I don't want to cook it!

My grandma used to make killer "pasteles" (a mix of shreded plaintain, meat and other ingredients you wrap in a plaintain leaf and boil until cooked, similar to a "tamale"). She also grew her own "gandules" (pigeon peas)in the yard, and sat for hours taking them out of their pods. I helped her sometimes. I remember rainy afternoons doing this, our hands stained green when we were done. Unfortunately, she left us before being able to pass on her culinary talents to me.

Then, there was "Tity" (Aunt) Carmen. Oh, she could cook! She taught me how to make rice and other things. I was never able to equal the taste of her food, though. One of my cousins, Noemi, learned from her and cooks pretty good, almost like Tity Carmen. Yet, not the same.

People asks all the time if Puertorican food is the same as Mexican food. I like Mexican food. But no, is not the same. When you see a box of Spanish rice at the grocery store, is not the same rice we make. There are as many differences as our people is different.

I miss the smells of our food everywhere, as you can get when you visit the island. If you are driving along the coast line, you can smell the sea along with the wind bringing the "tastes" of the seafood cooked in those restaurants around there. If you drive through the mountains, you can smell the rice, a pig roast, pasteles, the beans...occasionally, even an accident..."Alguien quemo las habichuelas!" (Someone must have burnt the beans!).

And in the urban centers, the smells of quick cafe-style restaurants, "cafeterias", where you find a case filled with lightbulbs keeping different fried delicacies warm, like "empanadillas" (a form of pasty filled with either meat, cheese, or any filling your imagination can find), "pastelillos", "bacalaitos"(fried cod), "rellenos"(potato balls filled with meat and fried), "mofongos" (plantain balls), and all sorts of sweet pastries people pick up for a quick, inexpensive lunch, or just as a feel-good snack...

Ah, I miss those smells. When I go visit, is the food that makes it all feel as if I never left. The foods of my childhood and youth. The tastes that are as fresh as the memories.

Yes, I went and had me some Puertorican, yummy food. I can't wait to do it again!

"Puertorican blonde"

The first time I heard that term, I cringed. For those of you unfamiliar, it refers to the strange shade hair turns when your natural hair color is black as tar and you try to make it anything ligher than a light brown. Then, if your skin is darker than olive, add the contrast, and there you have it: puertorican blonde.

I remember always hearing my mother talking about how she thought people with darker skin should not be blonde because it seems "unnatural". Yeah, right, mom. Like using hair color is natural to begin with! Ha!

Now, I am not criticizing using haircolor at all. You see? I colored my hair for the first time when I was 30, because I wanted to cover some grays, and wanted a change. After that, I have experimented with different shades. And because many people, when they first see me, don't think I fit the "typical" puertorican image they have in their heads, I kind of got away with whatever color I put in my hair.

A former stylist, who swore she must have been Hispanic in a previous life, proclaimed she knew everything about handling 'ethnic' hair (whatever that means). So she knew about "Puertorican Blondes". She used the term once when she was trying to do highlights on me, and said we needed to be careful or my hair would turn in that dreaded shade. When I looked at her puzzled, she replied, "Go to that neighborhood where most Hispanics live, and you will see it all over...". Wow! Another strong stereotype my people have to deal with in a neighborhood not far from mine! And, you know what? Knowing how the ladies in the area are, I don't think they care...

To me it all comes down to perception: a bad haircolor job will show no matter who you are. Some hair colors will match certain complexions better than others. Some hair colors will make me look washed out, while others will eliven me. Some hair colors will enhance the hair's beauty and looks while others won't. With proper care, the hair will stay as healthy as possible and will not look brassy and brittle.

So, is not about being from any specific ethnic group. Playing with hair color is fun, but has to be done carefully, the same way you choose the appropriate clothes or make up. As for the ethnicity of it, who cares? And, who knows? Maybe one of these days I will dare to go to the salon, bleach my hair and become the proverbial "Puertorican Blonde" myself, just for the heck of it!

That infamous Latin temper....

My Latin temper blows up pretty fast, but it goes down just as fast. Maybe that's why you seldom hear of ulcers in Latin America. - Desi Arnaz

Ever since I moved to this US of A, there has always been the question: "Do you have a temper?". Ummm, yes. Doesn't everybody?

Not like the Latin Temper, I am led to believe.

From the spitfire image of Carmen Miranda with her fruit hat, to all the other Latinas in movies and theatre, most people think that we do have the WORST temper. But...

Do we really?

I relate very well to the quote above from Desi Arnaz. So, I wonder...is it that we just say things like we see them, and then get over them, while others just keep it all in? Personally, I rather get it out of my system, instead of letting it fester up inside.

When I first moved here, a potential employer called my prior one, and blatantly asked if they ever had problems because of me being Puertorican, because, she said, "you know that Latin temper". My then supervisor gave great references of me.

Little I knew, over the years, I was going to laugh, seeing how most people would lose their temper sooner and faster than I ever allowed myself to in public. Also, little I knew, other ethnic groups also have a "hot" temper reputation, but you just don't hear as much about it. Why?

Why don't we, here in the US, hear about those who lose it just as fast? We have all the stress-related diseases. We have people battling depression, eating disorders and other mental-health-related issues. Ever wonder if the pent-up, bottled anger, may have something to do with it? I come accross stoic people who are too proud, or too embarrassed to admit they have a problem, or to even talk about it with someone who does not live under their same roof. What? Some don't even talk about their problems with their own family!

So, is the Latin temper really that "bad", after all? I don't think so. I am happy. I rarely hold a grudge. Is it really THAT bad?

When senior citizens were respected...

This afternoon, I am sitting in the living room and the news are on...I have been pondering on this, on what it means to be a senior citizen on our society. Then, there come this news break. An 81-year-old woman in Indiana was beaten by a 19-year-old because she was driving too slow. They show the elderly woman, bruised, with a broken leg. Then they show the teenager as she is taken by the police, with her nasty attitude seeping, sticking her tongue out at the camera. I was shocked. My 8-year-old daughter is sitting there, and I looked at her and said, "If you are ever caught doing such a thing, do not expect me to get you out of jail." She looked at me and said, "I would never do something like that!" We talked about it. About how everyone deserved respect.

It brought me back to my own childhood. How respect and compassion for others has always been a part of who I am. Ever since I remember, I could feel a knot forming in my chest when I encountered frail, elderly people, or disabled people. Granted, sometimes, they were objects of curiosity-have you ever seen a child stare at someone in crutches, or lacking a limb? But that is more the product of an inquiring mind than anything else. In Puerto Rico, and in many Hispanic countries, our "viejos" (our elders) are revered, and live with the rest of the family until almost the end of their lives. The speed of life today forces everyone to seek a nursing home everywhere for an ailing, aging family member. But when I was little, only "bad" sons or daughters sought such a solution for their parents. And I am no saint. I can remember times when, with a group of friends, we would make fun of someone in a seemingly disadvantaged position. This may have been cruel, but, believe me, it was just for fun nevertheless. No real cruelty, no harm intended. Because, I bet you anything, neither me or any of my friends would have ever thought of doing what that 19-year-old did. And, darn it! On top, her last name is Vazquez. A Hispanic name, like we don't have enough for people to blame us for.

But the point is, in what type of environment did this young person grew in that she feels she can do such a thing? How are her parents? Did they instill in her the slightest idea of what compassion and love and consideration are? Maybe. We can't blame parents all the time. Maybe they tried to give her the best of everything. Granted, we all have become cynical in todays society. I remember how, after moving here almost 19 years ago, I encountered seniors who had the same entitlement attitude. Seniors today are not what they used to be. They are more active and in better health at a more advanced age than the prior generation. They are also more independent. And, yes, you run into the ones that think that because they are seniors, they can run me over with their grocery cart, or they can skip in front of me at the deli counter, or...you get the idea! And then, there are the ones that we feel should not be driving. But for a lot of them, is the last trace of independence left, and is hard to give it up. So they drive, and they are slow, and erratic at times. And, yes, they do get on my nerves! We live in such a hurried, stressed society, we need to get everywhere fast. So we waive, and curse, and maybe even hunk, while the person is trying to focus on the road. When I see that the slow poke in front of me is a little old lady trying to get somewhere, I feel like a heel for being so stupid and impatient. So, how is it that this girl thinks she has the right to do what she did? Did she have older people in her life, ever? A grandma? A neighbor? And the biggest question...does she think that she will be forever young? She better watch out for the time when she is old, and driving slow...

What is wrong with speaking MY LANGUAGE!!!!

A few months back, our city's newspaper published an article regarding a worker in a nursing home who had been disciplined for speaking Spanish on the job. The woman claims she only used Spanish on the phone when speaking to her mother, who does not speak English, and to a Spanish-speaking co-worker during breaks. She had worked there for a number of years, and never had a problem until a new manager came on board. This manager did not like hearing her speaking in that language. So she started to find all kinds of things to "nit-pick" on this woman. The woman ended up quitting-but first filed a complaint with the EEOC(Equal Employment Opportunity Commission)- and taking a job at a hospital where-guess what?-she is paid EXTRA for speaking Spanish!!!

Then, last Saturday, I read in the paper one of those famous advise columns. In it, a couple complained that their daughter-in-law repeatedly engaged in conversations with her children and parents in her native language, and that they had said to her many times that they felt hurt by it, but she continued doing it. They asked the column's writer if, in her opinion, their daughter-in-law's behavior is rude. The column writer answer she did considered rude unless the parents did not know English.

In both ocassions, I wrote back to the publication where the article originated, expresing my feelings about this. I grew up in Puerto Rico, but it was mandatory to study English every year of my school years there. When I moved to the States, I was not exactly fluent, but I was able to get by until my language skills developed and I became more fluent and comfortable. Not everyone feels like this. Some people, depending on many factors, never achieve a level of mastery where they feel comfortable. I agree that, if I come here to work hard and get ahead, I should learn the language. I also agree that bilingual assistance should be provided for those newly arrived, or people who, for some reason, are not going to learn the language to a desired level of proficiency: the sick, elderly, or those with a learning disability. But even if everybody learns the language, I believe that speaking our language with others helps us retain a sense of connection to our past and the countries we come from.

How is it that some people feel so righteous that they can dictate what language I can speak in? Many times I have been told, "Speak English!", to which I respond, "Learn Spanish! It is a wonderful skill to have, to be bilingual!" That usually shuts them up! If people is paranoid and think I take the time to speak about them in my language...maybe they are right (if they have done something to deserve it). Otherwise, people, don't assume the world revolve around you when I run into friends and start speaking in Spanish. Is not about you...it really is all about ME!!!

Always late? Puertorrican time...

I was reading one of those lady magazines's May issue. In it, a famous psychologist writes about what being chronically late says about you. Control issues, deppresion, fear...what is it that make every person not be punctual, making everyone around wait for them?

I have been trying to do some research on the question nagging my head while I read. This psychologist, did he base his findings from research done with North American patients only? Growing up in Puerto Rico, my mother was a stickler for being always on time. And understandably: she was tired of the common "Puertorrican time". Seems like almost everyone down in the island is affected by this. Is not like we are totally laid back and relaxed, but no one seems to care if they make it on time anywhere. And the same can be said from the ones I know live here in the States. My mother was always ready on time, and fumed when, before she bought a car, had to rely on others who always said they would show at a certain time but did 2 hours later. But her motto was, "I rather wait than have someone wait for me". Once I attended a baby shower, scheduled to start at 3pm. Knowing the hosts were fellow Puertorricans, we took our time and showed at 3:15. The hall was still being decorated! The hosts showed up close to 5!
We were a little annoyed, but still managed to have a good time. Just the food was worth it!

But, in reading the article, I was wondering, what is it that make most Puertorricans not care about punctuality? What causes the legendary "Puertorrican time"? I would like opinions...if anyone has the slightest idea...

Life and Death - Part 3

So, our friend has been laid to rest...

We had a service in her daughter's church yesterday, and the burial was this morning.

So different than everything I knew from my younger years. I remember when my grandma died. The visitation - "el funeral" was the fun part. All the grandkids-about 20 in total, including me (I was about 9 at the time)- were having lots of fun. The visitation was not a 2 or 3 hour deal, nothing of this "pay your respects" and leave. It was an around-the-clock affair. It was, besides, a social event. You mingled, you stayed as long as possible, you prayed a rosary or two (that, if you were catholic-there was always a person skilled in praying the rosary at every funeral). There was always a kitchen with "galletas export soda y chocolate caliente" (saltines and hot cocoa), and even pastries at times. Around 10 or 11 pm, only the close family remained, and many stayed the whole night, because they can't "dejar el muerto solo" (leave the dead body alone-that is no longer allowed in Puerto Rico; everyone leaves at midnight and come back the next day).

Our friend's funeral was emotional, but subdued. You could hear sniffles, and everyone had tears. But no loud wailing. At the burial site, no one had to be restrained so they would not jump in the hole where the casket was to be buried...a common occurrence in Latino burials. I never seen anyone actually jump in, but they tried...

The one thing that is the same: It hurts. We may show it differently, but it hurts. Is all over now. She rests and is at peace. Life goes on. We will miss her but eventually we will be at peace with her departure. My postings from now on will be more cheerful (hopefully), unless, of course, we are faced with a huge loss like this!

Rest in peace, Sharon. We would be forever grateful for everything, especially for being such a spoiling, surrogate abuela to our daughters...they better keep an orderly, neat office up there, somewhere for you!

Facebook...an addiction?

A few months ago, I received an email invitation to join Facebook. The "social utility" I first heard off through a high-school classmate-who warned me, "Cuando entras ahi, estas todo el dia...!(When you go in it, you are in it all day!)", now had a group of my high-school alumni. I entered and signed up, but never took a second look at what went on in it, specially after my friend's warning.

However, 2 weeks ago, one of my cousins from Puerto Rico sent me an email, indicating that she had created a Facebook account in which I would be able to see pictures of her 1-year-old twins, and she was inviting me to join as well so I could get in and see them.

So, I "resurrected" my forgotten account...and that was it: I had succumbed to the "Facebook Fever", as I would like to call it. Just in a few days, I had found and connected with a lot of people. Some of them from around here, but for the most part, former classmates from high-school and college, friends from the neighborhoods I grew up in, or party friends from nearby towns and acquaintances from my regular hang-outs, and a few relatives. Some of this people I had not seen in about 20 years, if not longer. Some remembered me immediately; others, I had to jog their memory.

A Milwaukee friend said to me yesterday that she would not be interested in Facebook, as she keeps in touch with the important people in her life, and she is not really that interested in connecting with people from the past or high-school. Which is fine...I still have the prerogative of choosing who to connect with. I can remove people from my list if I want to. And they can remove me as well. But for someone like me, who the only family in Wisconsin consist of my immediate family unit-spouse and children-this is somewhat of a great thing.

I even joined a Facebook group named, "Me van a botar del trabajo por estar juquea con Facebook (I will get fired from my job because I am hooked with Facebook)". Sounds funny, and I hope it does not really happen...I know that, eventually, the novelty will wane, and I will visit the site less often. I have been able to find friends with whom I simply lost contact with. Some people's reception has been warm, while others are like, oh well, one more person...who cares? But for now, I am enjoying this opening of my world...this welcoming of ideas, of playing in a virtual playground, not much different than when my daughter goes to Webkinz or ClubPenquin...and I will play until a new "playground" comes along...

Teachers, teachers, teachers...

So, a new parallel in my life...Just found out that some teachers in our School District are picketing in front of our City Hall. They are negotiating their salaries for their new contract. In Puerto Rico, the same happened a few weeks back.

One of our teacher's complaints are the co-pays they will have to pay with their health insurance. In Puerto Rico, first of all, teachers are not allowed to picket. The teachers in Wauwatosa should go and see what the teachers in the Island earn, and in what conditions are schools in Puerto Rico ; Wauwatosa teachers are lucky they still can exercise their right to picket without fearing retaliation.

I think the teachers in our district should realize how good they have it, and how ridiculosly high insurance premiums are everywhere else...welcome to our world!